Who the H*?# Should You Vote For?

What better to blog about this week than McCain’s vice presidential pick, Sarah Palin. Is this McCain’s attempt to “change Washington” because everyone knows he has not had enough time in the Senate to do that . . . Maybe he has been too busy campaigning?? Isn’t this Obama’s platform? Well I’m glad we got that straight. Now that everyone wants to change Washington, we have to now decide which dynamic duo is best fit for the job. Like many of us, you probably have not had time to read all the over dramatized crap of the press or the candidates websites. So I bequeath to you a few facts from each of the candidates’ websites and/or news clippings that I felt were legitimate. (It was hard to refrain from Wikipedia, but I did!)

Obama / Biden (The Oreo Feel Good team):

Obama is a young U.S. Senator from Chicago who spent years in the Illinois legislature. His parents are racially mixed, one a student from Kenya and one from middle America, Kansas. Obama was ultimately raised by his mother in Hawaii after his father returned to Kenya. He was an average student until he got involved in politics in college. After college, he worked for Christian churches; and after law school, turned down lucrative offers to work for a small firm and teach Constitutional law. As part of the Illinois legislature, Obama was a strong advocate for women’s issues.

Biden is a senior Senator from Delaware (1972) and was a single parent to his two remaining sons after a car accident took his wife and daughter. And like many parents, Biden was willing to give up his first senate election for his family. He is remarried and had a fourth child with his new wife. He served on the Senate Foreign Affairs committee with Obama and is up for re-election, which makes him available.

McCain / Palin (The Do-it-my-way or no-way Team):
McCain is a senior US Senator who started out as a US Representative in 1982. He is a proud Navy veteran, a POW (probably suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder – how could you not!), and has been observed as very angry by President Bush’s former Chief of Staff. Although John McCain has seven children, we never hear about his first wife. Much of his time in the Senate has been spent on reform including lowering taxes and less government.

Now, here here are a few things you should know about Sarah Palin that people are already getting incorrect:

In 1984 she was not Miss Alaska, she was the RUNNER UP;
She is only 44, but yet older than John F. Kennedy when he ran for President;
She was the mayor of Wasilla, AK, population 9,780 according to the US Census in 2007, and was elected as the Governor of Alaska in 2007.
She is currently involved in a legislative investigation over the firing of an Alaskan State Trooper involved in a divorce from Palin’s sister and Alaska’s Public Safety Commissioner who was pressured to fire the State Trooper.
She is a member of the NRA
She has 5 children, and some of her fellow countrymen do not think she is ready to lead.
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601070&sid=a1uiw5Tqp4EM&refer=home

Politicos and poison ivy!

Well I’m not very insightful this week. I was however experiencing another first by watching the Democratic National Convention. What about you? Have you ever watched a political convention? It brought to mind all of the issues currently facing Americans. Politicos like to phrase it as “waging a war against ______” (you fill in the blank.) We have so many to choose from now. We have the war on terror, the war on drugs, and the latest greatest, the war on obesity. Are we winning any of these wars yet? Let’s face it, do we even care about the war on drugs? It’s a plant, get over it. What about obesity? I have that solution, get off your ass.

Which finally brings me to a point. (Like I said, I am not very insightful this week). I am waging my own personal war and it’s on poison ivy! As some of you know, I am apparently very allergic to poison ivy, and have been battling a horrible reaction to it for 6 weeks!! This has included steroids, acupuncture, herbal concoctions, gels, pastes, more steroids, more acupuncture, gels and paste, and finally a lot of complaining.

And apparently, I am not alone. Just today there was a story in the Dallas Morning News regarding the war on poison ivy. And, always newsworthy is my brother’s opinion, a horticulturist, that poison ivy has become bigger, badder and more pervasive then ever. Because of the risk of someone having a severe allergic reaction not only on the outside but also the inside, it cannot be burned at random. It’s also a weed, but one that has staying power, so spraying it is a short-term solution while putting unknown additives in our drinking water. And let’s not forget the potential cost to eradicate poison ivy. Surely there are more pressing issues, like schools offering tofu instead of refried beans to our overweight students.

So until a solid plan is formulated to win the war on poison ivy is invented, I have two ways to avoid it.

Never drink in an open public park with all of your friends where weeds are not well maintained.

Never, ever let your friends persuade you to urinate in the un-maintained weeds in an open public park when drunk, especially if you are a girl!

Carpe Diem!

Update on the Election

Several people have asked my opinion on the current election. But before I can go there, I must vent about our electoral system (invented by dudes wearing wigs by the way). I would wager that there are a lot of high school students whom, like many of their parents, do not understand the U.S. electoral system. I know I don’t. But most high school students of voting age, and more importantly, their parents, understand the voting system on American Idol.

I fit in the category of professionals with no children who one night turned on the television for mindless entertainment to forget about our responsibilities and got sucked into a show called American Idol like it was the Poltergeist. There was no shortage of crazy outfits and slurred speech from Paula; idiocy and fence sitting from Randy; and fantasy causing accented-filled insults from Simon. Connect the dots people – American Idol has reported 60 million viewers on a single episode. Not necessarily all of voting age, but someone had to pay for the television and the cable?

Despise AI? How about Hollywood? I do. News flash – On Aug. 10th at 1:30 am, Barack Obama ran a 30-minute infomercial on Ion Television. This is the first for a Presidential candidate. McCain’s campaign placed Barack Obama in equal celebrity status to Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears by using their images in an ad. Barack looks pretty good on film. Lastly, Hollywood is about to turn our Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice into a movie star babe. The trend is definitely to reach out to the younger crowd. Why not, old people shouldn’t be driving to the polls any way!

Here’s how the election would work. Debates would be scheduled for several weeks. Certain days will be designated for certain issues. For example, Monday-Taxes; Tuesday-war and foreign affairs; Wednesday-Abortion; Thursday-more taxes; and Friday-more war issues. (Forget social security, it will not be around much longer any way). Each candidate will have a call in number, 1-800-Not-sure or 1-800-4-Whitey. At the end of each week, there will be an elimination show with a lot of knuckle bumping and berating. It will be grand!

In all seriousness though, there will be no uncertainty as to who will win the election. There will be no elected officials making the ultimate decision for all of the population on who actually wins despite the popular vote.

Summer Olympics ONLY day 2!

I digress from my political silliness to comment on the 2008 Summer Olympic games like only I can and because I can. First, before I get into my crazy comments about the Olympics, I should advise that I have been to Europe only once, and it was to Italy. While in Italy, I noticed a lot of shoes that were shiny silver. Not women’s shoes, but all shoes, especially high top tennis shoes for men. I’m talking about shiny silver high top tennis shoes in glass display cases all over Italy like they were pieces of a the Coliseum in Rome. I just walked around wondering who the hell would actually wear these shoes!! Well, after seeing the opening of the Olympics, I figured it out.

My top five observations of the 2008 Olympic Games on Day 2:

1. The Italian athletes all wear shiny silver tennis shoes. I knew someone had to buy those shoes!??

2. The American athletes all looked like Ralph Lauren robot clones. I had to bet my boyfriend that they were really the Americans.

3. Swimmers should not leave their goggles on their foreheads before starting a race. When they move their goggles from their forehead to their eyes, the goggles leave red circles above their eyebrows. Makes me want to take a Sharpie and color in some pupils and eyelashes so they have eyes above their eyes. This would really make people watch the swimming!

4. During the rowing, there is a group of cyclists that ride along the bank watching the rowing. I can’t wait for the cyclists to run into each other and wreck out during a rowing competition. That would really make the rowing more exiting!

5. Last, but not least, the Italians would have done great in the men’s quadruple rowing had it not been for all the gold jewelry weighing them down!

More to come. Hope you are enjoying the Olympics.

Renewables - "Biostuff"

When people discuss renewable energy, like using corn for fuel, we often include a joke about using animal waste as well.  You know, putting to use the bags of dog poop you scoop, or the pastures of cow patties you think are funny.  All joking aside, and with all the incredible technology, there is such a possibility.  I have named it . . . "Biopoo."

To figure out how to make this a reality, I conducted research on about "biomass."  This sounds promising, and to me, is just a nicer way of saying "biopoo."  According to Wikipedia where I did all my hard research, (and we all know how reliable that is), "biomass" is defined as living and recently dead biological material transformed into a fuel.  Can biopoo be categorized as "recently dead biological material?"  Biomass material can also be called biodegradable wastes (I think I am getting closer), which is generally converted to a solid, liquid or gas fuel, thus becoming "biofuel."

So bio-logically, bio-fuel can be produced from any bio-logic source.  Does this mean that bio-waste is bio-poo?  Can bio-poo be used to manufacture more plastic water bottles?  Surely if we can power a vehicle using plant-derived biomass, we can figure out how to use biopoo for anything!

Further, the production and use of biopoo with reduce the amount of CO2 from the atmosphere since it is not a fossil fuel.  Seriously, have you ever heard anyone complain about all the piles of cow pool releasing greenhouse gases into the air?  What about when your neighbor's son lit dog poo in a paper bag on fire on your door step?  Did it create a pollution problem?  

In this day and age of worrying about environmental issues like carbon footprints, holes in the ozone, diminishing oil reserves and Boone Pickens' checkbook, I think I am onto something.  Let's start living a "biolife" with all of our "biostuff."  If we are living a biolife, must we give up our amenities like setting our air conditioners on 65, drinking tons of bottled water, not sorting our trash for recycling?  We don't have time for these things!  Americans are too busy creating an oil crisis while driving our 8-cylinder SUVs to be politically correct and save the environment.  

Thus, the solution is Biopoo!  I hope the American government takes note of this great idea. Don't waste that pile of dog pool by setting it on fire and leaving it at the doorstep of Iran, but put it to good use in creating renewable energy for Americans.