Hello bloggies, writers, readers, friends, family, and innocent people that have found this blog. Social media is a bunch of phooey! It is akin to a highly addictive drug like caffeine and nicotine, and frankly, goes very well with both of those. So for fear that you will get addicted, I challenge you to limit yourself to five minutes of Facebook, one game of Words with Friends, and 2 cups of decaf coffee a day. If this is not enough for you, continue reading.
For those that need more information, like my curious and tech savvy readers, you already know social media is a term for Internet websites that allow for the exchange of information. Each website can be used for the exchange of social communication, business networking, or sharing of general ideas depending on their design. This is a jejune explanation because it really isn't any more complicated than it sounds. There is no more mystery to a social media website than your own online banking, and new social media websites seeking members pop up ever week!
Remember the first time you heard of MySpace? I contemplated it for several years before I actually logged on and created my own account. After the account was created, I freaked out and immediately closed my account. Putting myself out there like that, even my name, was too much of an intrusion, even for this extrovert. Then, came along Facebook. Facebook seemed a little more mature and would limit some one's ability to get too outlandish with the wallpaper, music, etc. I decided I could handle Facebook. After creating my own account I received the requisite friend request from the creator of Facebook, long before I new he was going to be Time Magazine's "Man of the Year." Again, that horrible feeling of being violated overwhelmed me. Who was this guy, how did he know who I was, and why did he want to be my friend? I freaked out just short of calling the FCC. Fortunately, a kind friend advised me of who Tom was and not to worry, I was not being stalked by a stranger on the Internet, nor did I have to go on a date with him.
Looking back on my first experience with Facebook, I'm glad it was not around when I was a teenager. There would be entirely too much information that I would have to remove before the new Timeline format set in.
However, social media has changed many of us including many close-minded introverts. As many of you know, I am connected with you and others through Twitter, Facebook, LinkedIn, Google+, Blogspot, WordPress, Pinterest, Instant Messenger (wow that's old), FourSquare, Skype, listserves, etc. It's absolutely ridiculous and that is why I think it is phooey in my opinion. Someone called me today to tell me she was in my neighborhood and would love to see me. That is what I call a friend. We are missing out on so many wonderful experiences people! Now instead of being assaulted by a salesperson selling copiers at your office, you are pounded by their friend requests, invitations and emails. That's okay though because you can hide behind your computer screen with your delete button. But for the "social" aspect of it, are we deleting our human side? How about our ability to be personable and communicate with each other mano y mano?
Picture yourself as follows: pajamas on, fake firelog ablaze, wireless modem buzzing, and laptop in your lap, duh. You are on MySpace, SpaceJunkey, JunkeyMonkey, Facebook, FaceTime, MyFace, SpaceJunkie, PajamaTime, PinItToMe, and on and on. But what do you really get out of all that? I can tell you exactly what you receive in return for your diligence in keeping up with LinkedIn, LinkedSquare, ComputerSquared, Flicker, Finger, and Shuttered . . . . 15 unwanted pounds, overweight pets, numb fingertips, a stinky house, dirty laundry, and no dates. You may start secretly wanting someone to stalk you on the Internet because that is all you have left.
Do you want a bunch of phooey or do you want to have a life? Do you really gain anything out of knowing that your Aunt Effie just got home from her colonoscopy and things are moving much better? I will admit, some social media is fun. But just as a parent limits the hours a child can watch television or what kind of programming, so should you limit yourself in your social media. I'm pretty sure new diseases will develop and ultimately be identified from the abusive and over use of social media. I can see it now: Socialitis requiring a social mediaectomy. This is the fear of backing away from your computer and turning off your smart phone and actually talking to a live human being. I can't imagine what the withdrawals will be like and if morphine will even work.
Well, it is a free country and I will try to focus on the more positive aspects of social media. Maybe it is so strong it can bring about less fighting, less car accidents, less crime. People will be too lazy to do anything other than posting about their bunions.
In reality, social media is incredibly simple but yet powerful. Never underestimate the consequences of posting pictures from your Weird Science high school party 20 years ago. If used in a positive manner, you can increase contacts, increase sales, find people, get help with something, and get motivated. You have to weed through all the phooey to get to the meat and potatoes of what is good. Don't get distracted by Tom from Facebook, people tweeting, twitting and twatting. Step away from the phooey and lay the cigarettes down.
Either way, I hope you continue to at least enjoy my blog, make comments, and stay connected. Now go out and enjoy yourself.
carpe diem
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Saturday, February 11, 2012
My Hearing Aid is in The Printer!
"My hearing aid is in the printer" is not exactly what a person expects to wake up hearing first thing in the morning. It's cold, you are wet from the shower, have no clothing on yet, can't be late to work, and the old person in the house has already been up since 5:30 in the morning waiting. Now you have to figure out how to remove a hearing aid from the printer.
Life is full of curve balls and as we age, new and unexpected curve balls arise. Aging is the reverse of puberty, and comedians have been making fun of both for centuries. Are you experiencing stiffness in your joints, muscle weakness, saggy skin, blurry eyesight, raspy vocals, gray hair? If so, you are falling apart or you are aging and it's not really funny. So, it's necessary to have empathy for the older folks in our lives. They used to be as vibrant and cellulite free as we are today. Who knows what is actually rattling around in their brains, but I'm sure they are not expecting to drop something in the sink, the toilet or the printer. If you have a big heart and are caring for an elderly family member and hear things like, "I fell in the toilet, can you help me out please", you deserve a gold medal. Especially if you wipe.
Aside from the potential for injury from a toilet fall, you have to consider things that could really cause life-threatening injuries to the elderly you care for and those around them. For instance, steps anywhere, dancing poles that were installed in your house in the 80's or 90's, glass and metal coffee tables, small pets, and of course cars. When your elderly guest walks out to their car numerous times in a ten minute period to look for his pillow and blanket, further consideration to hiding the keys should be taken. Black eyes, broken glass, squished puppies and wrecked cars are not good for the soul. If the elderly cannot remember how to defrost the windows in their gigantic Ford LTD, it is likely they are not going to remember which lever is the gear shift and which one is the blinker! A Smart car may not fare well against a Ford LTD doing 45 miles per hour through an intersection.
If you wake up with beautiful peace and quiet in the mornings, and never hear the sound of a garage door crashing in because your grandfather missed the brake peddle, then you are lucky. And since all you have to worry about is your own aging; fear not, there are life-changing, confidence altering products and procedures at every turn. For instance, there are: non-surgical face lifts, teeth implants, hair plugs, liposuction, scores of supplements, creams and concoctions, Viagra, permanent makeup, singles clubs for those over 55, and Florida, where everyone has the same hairdo and a Ford LTD. So do not despair.
If you are in despair, read this paragraph. There was a recent story on NPR about a female author who decided it was time to die and killed herself. Unfortunately, I have been unable to locate the story or the name of the author, but I vividly recall the interview with her daughter. The daughter relayed her mother's decision years before her death (like an army of authors before her) that at some point in her life, her life would have no point and she would kill herself. She did not want to burden her family, and at the age of 70, was going to off herself. Well, her family worried for years while waiting with anticipation, and fortunately, at the age of 70, she changed her mind. Seven years later, after writing a book about aging, she finally followed through on her promise while her family was not expecting it, and killed herself. As much as it may be a weenie move and inconsiderate, it can also be perceived as a bold move and considerate. Nobody has to take her car away, rearrange their home and furniture, hide the Chihuahua to avoid its early accidental demise, or dig a hearing aid out of a printer.
Do you consider that a bold move or is it so Virginia Woolf? Is there really a right way to do die and a wrong way to die? Either way, someone is going to be upset, but you know the saying, "You cannot make everybody happy all of the time." Tacky I know, but it is just one of many catch 22's we find ourselves in through life. It's just an option.
Instead of suicide, aging gracefully, peacefully, and accepting the weaknesses we will experience seems easier in the end. Getting our brains to cooperate will make aging even more peaceful and pleasant. Keeping my hopes up as I plan to visit my grandmother for her 101st birthday without my Chihuahua . . . Carpe Diem!
Life is full of curve balls and as we age, new and unexpected curve balls arise. Aging is the reverse of puberty, and comedians have been making fun of both for centuries. Are you experiencing stiffness in your joints, muscle weakness, saggy skin, blurry eyesight, raspy vocals, gray hair? If so, you are falling apart or you are aging and it's not really funny. So, it's necessary to have empathy for the older folks in our lives. They used to be as vibrant and cellulite free as we are today. Who knows what is actually rattling around in their brains, but I'm sure they are not expecting to drop something in the sink, the toilet or the printer. If you have a big heart and are caring for an elderly family member and hear things like, "I fell in the toilet, can you help me out please", you deserve a gold medal. Especially if you wipe.
Aside from the potential for injury from a toilet fall, you have to consider things that could really cause life-threatening injuries to the elderly you care for and those around them. For instance, steps anywhere, dancing poles that were installed in your house in the 80's or 90's, glass and metal coffee tables, small pets, and of course cars. When your elderly guest walks out to their car numerous times in a ten minute period to look for his pillow and blanket, further consideration to hiding the keys should be taken. Black eyes, broken glass, squished puppies and wrecked cars are not good for the soul. If the elderly cannot remember how to defrost the windows in their gigantic Ford LTD, it is likely they are not going to remember which lever is the gear shift and which one is the blinker! A Smart car may not fare well against a Ford LTD doing 45 miles per hour through an intersection.
If you wake up with beautiful peace and quiet in the mornings, and never hear the sound of a garage door crashing in because your grandfather missed the brake peddle, then you are lucky. And since all you have to worry about is your own aging; fear not, there are life-changing, confidence altering products and procedures at every turn. For instance, there are: non-surgical face lifts, teeth implants, hair plugs, liposuction, scores of supplements, creams and concoctions, Viagra, permanent makeup, singles clubs for those over 55, and Florida, where everyone has the same hairdo and a Ford LTD. So do not despair.
If you are in despair, read this paragraph. There was a recent story on NPR about a female author who decided it was time to die and killed herself. Unfortunately, I have been unable to locate the story or the name of the author, but I vividly recall the interview with her daughter. The daughter relayed her mother's decision years before her death (like an army of authors before her) that at some point in her life, her life would have no point and she would kill herself. She did not want to burden her family, and at the age of 70, was going to off herself. Well, her family worried for years while waiting with anticipation, and fortunately, at the age of 70, she changed her mind. Seven years later, after writing a book about aging, she finally followed through on her promise while her family was not expecting it, and killed herself. As much as it may be a weenie move and inconsiderate, it can also be perceived as a bold move and considerate. Nobody has to take her car away, rearrange their home and furniture, hide the Chihuahua to avoid its early accidental demise, or dig a hearing aid out of a printer.
Do you consider that a bold move or is it so Virginia Woolf? Is there really a right way to do die and a wrong way to die? Either way, someone is going to be upset, but you know the saying, "You cannot make everybody happy all of the time." Tacky I know, but it is just one of many catch 22's we find ourselves in through life. It's just an option.
Instead of suicide, aging gracefully, peacefully, and accepting the weaknesses we will experience seems easier in the end. Getting our brains to cooperate will make aging even more peaceful and pleasant. Keeping my hopes up as I plan to visit my grandmother for her 101st birthday without my Chihuahua . . . Carpe Diem!
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Thank You Notes From Hell!
Yes indeed, it's another installment of "Thank You Notes from Hell." Now mind you, I am not making these up, I am merely sharing them. They probably have a different effect on everyone, but for some reason, they make me giddy. So here we go:
1. Thank you to the person who brought the crappy gift to the White Elephant party, not realizing that maybe it was the only gift some of us were going to get this year. I can't wait to use my $5.99 Eggonator this weekend!
2. Thank you to the office drunk for livening up with Christmas party. Without you we would not have a broken copier, a mysterious pair of shoes and tie in the kitchen, smudge marks on the conference room table, and a myriad of rumors to spread for years to come.
Switching gears from the holidays and on to the new year:
3. The pharmaceutical companies want to thank God for all the beautiful blue skies, trees, grasses, wind, clouds, rain and snow. For without nature, there would be no pollen, mold, and any kind of floating spore that ultimately creates allergies. Without allergies, people would not be miserable and run down or able to easily catch a cold, a virus, the flu or strep throat or any combination of two or three of these illnesses. Without allergies, colds, viruses, flu or strep throat, the evil people at CVS who hate their jobs would not sell truck loads of Allegra, Advil, Sudafed, and Mucinex. So thank you so much!
3. The pharmaceutical companies also want to thank God for all the great sales they are having this winter season. Joining them in the Thank You's are all the marketing firms hired by the pharmaceutical companies.
And, we cannot leave without saying thank you to the hard working Republican candidates:
4. Thank you to Rick Perry for making us all feel better about ourselves.
5. Ron Paul sent a special thank you to all of the citizens of Iowa and to the Men's Warehouse for shipping a proper fitting suit to him in New Hampshire.
Last but not least, three special Thank You's from down below:
6. The devil wants to say thank you to Newt Gingrich for converting to Catholicism in 2009 after his adulterous affair with his now current wife while he was investigating Clinton's affair. The devil is thrilled to have a constituent in the Catholic church, and has been campaigning for Newt's nomination underground for years now. He started with yard signs, but they are too charred for anyone to read, so he has begun a grass-roots campaign going door-to-door and truly enjoys it.
7. The devil also wants to say thank you to Michele Bachmann for finally getting off the campaign trail for the Republican nomination. He had high hopes for her, but saw the flame fading.
8. And not to be one-sided, all of the military commanders want to thank President Obama for an unwanted early retirement due to the end of all wars. Now they can joint the ranks of the unemployed. Look at their faces.
Well, so long for now. Feel free to yell at me or share your thank you notes from hell.
Carpe Diem.
1. Thank you to the person who brought the crappy gift to the White Elephant party, not realizing that maybe it was the only gift some of us were going to get this year. I can't wait to use my $5.99 Eggonator this weekend!
2. Thank you to the office drunk for livening up with Christmas party. Without you we would not have a broken copier, a mysterious pair of shoes and tie in the kitchen, smudge marks on the conference room table, and a myriad of rumors to spread for years to come.
Switching gears from the holidays and on to the new year:
3. The pharmaceutical companies want to thank God for all the beautiful blue skies, trees, grasses, wind, clouds, rain and snow. For without nature, there would be no pollen, mold, and any kind of floating spore that ultimately creates allergies. Without allergies, people would not be miserable and run down or able to easily catch a cold, a virus, the flu or strep throat or any combination of two or three of these illnesses. Without allergies, colds, viruses, flu or strep throat, the evil people at CVS who hate their jobs would not sell truck loads of Allegra, Advil, Sudafed, and Mucinex. So thank you so much!
3. The pharmaceutical companies also want to thank God for all the great sales they are having this winter season. Joining them in the Thank You's are all the marketing firms hired by the pharmaceutical companies.
And, we cannot leave without saying thank you to the hard working Republican candidates:
4. Thank you to Rick Perry for making us all feel better about ourselves.
5. Ron Paul sent a special thank you to all of the citizens of Iowa and to the Men's Warehouse for shipping a proper fitting suit to him in New Hampshire.
Last but not least, three special Thank You's from down below:
6. The devil wants to say thank you to Newt Gingrich for converting to Catholicism in 2009 after his adulterous affair with his now current wife while he was investigating Clinton's affair. The devil is thrilled to have a constituent in the Catholic church, and has been campaigning for Newt's nomination underground for years now. He started with yard signs, but they are too charred for anyone to read, so he has begun a grass-roots campaign going door-to-door and truly enjoys it.
7. The devil also wants to say thank you to Michele Bachmann for finally getting off the campaign trail for the Republican nomination. He had high hopes for her, but saw the flame fading.
8. And not to be one-sided, all of the military commanders want to thank President Obama for an unwanted early retirement due to the end of all wars. Now they can joint the ranks of the unemployed. Look at their faces.
Well, so long for now. Feel free to yell at me or share your thank you notes from hell.
Carpe Diem.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
New Year's Resolutions - Yeah or Nay
The holidays are crazy. After spending beyond the budget, eating enough to kill an elephant, and drinking a corner of our liver off, there is renewed pressure on whether we succeeded in meeting our new year's resolutions for 2011. Dare we look at the list made after spiked egg nog, red wine and a couple of shots of scotch approximately 12 months ago? Yet another list made with high hopes and renewed enthusiasm. Is it possible to sustain enthusiasm for all those items on the list for an entire year? Alas, a couple of goals were actually met on the list: Goal No. 1: "read at least one book this year (and Twitter doesn't count);" and Goal No. 10: "sleep more." Congratulations! However, the disappointment comes when none of the unrealistic resolutions in the middle were met or even attempted, like Goal No. 6: "Save a million dollars;" and Goal No. 8: "Buy a Lamborghini."
For centuries humans have carefully put together their life's plans resolving at the stroke of midnight that their new life begins on January 1 by adhering to a list. I have gone so far as to frame my list. One time I hung it on the fridge so I was forced to look at it daily. Another time I actually miniaturized my list. I put it in my wallet so that it would fall out when I paid cash for something like a Starbucks coffee, which I'm sure was a no-no on my list. Crap.
Not only do we set ourselves up for failure, but we fail at some of the items on our list over and over as we try to regroup all year long. Yes, there are numerous adages that state failures lead to successes; learn from your mistakes; try, try again; and if you fall off, get back on. All true, but do you really need a list staring at you to remind you that you failed?
On the flip side, I have written thoughts down on paper and thrown them into a fire in an effort to let go. That felt the best. I was no longer disappointing myself, I was freeing myself of something that I no longer had a need for in my life. Maybe it was something dragging me down. It was a form of liberation without burning my bra. Especially since bras are really expensive.
As I picked up my notebook to begin creating my list of 2012 resolutions, I thought about the fires in the past and played with the thought of simply not doing it. After thinking about all the disappointment I have experienced with myself, I wondered which would be worse, no list or not meeting the goals on the list. As usual, I couldn't decide what to do. So, when in a quandary, change gears and walk away from the problem. The hope is that the answer will pop into my head when I expect it least. So I started brushing my dog and turned to my favorite blog, Zen Habits, for some reading. Amazingly, the latest post was all about NOT setting new year's resolutions. It was fate.
We already know the answers to our own questions but many times refuse to acknowledge them. For example, should I eat this piece of Death by Chocolate dessert even though I only have 5 pounds left to lose? Should I go out drinking even though I have been diagnosed with diabetes? Should I go to the gym, or watch Steel Magnolias for the 39th time while eating my tears with spoonfuls of Cherry Garcia ice cream? The same applies to resolutions. You already know what you want to accomplish. You might even have a business plan or something to that affect. Why torture yourself with yet another list? Don't you have some twatting on Twitter to do?
Instead of having a year-long "to-do" list that diversions cause you to stray from, experience a year of freedom. No more stressing about working hard enough to meet a goal or telling anyone what goal you are working towards. Release the unnecessary stress and enjoy the world around you while you experience new things at your whim. Not only are you free, but everyone around you is free as well. Free from your stress. I should know, I have been stressing out my family for years. Hopefully I can stick to a "no-resolution resolution." There will be a lot of happy people if I can.
Here's to freedom and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Stay tuned for the next installation of "Thank You Notes from Hell" and the Super Bowl.
Carpe Diem!
For centuries humans have carefully put together their life's plans resolving at the stroke of midnight that their new life begins on January 1 by adhering to a list. I have gone so far as to frame my list. One time I hung it on the fridge so I was forced to look at it daily. Another time I actually miniaturized my list. I put it in my wallet so that it would fall out when I paid cash for something like a Starbucks coffee, which I'm sure was a no-no on my list. Crap.
Not only do we set ourselves up for failure, but we fail at some of the items on our list over and over as we try to regroup all year long. Yes, there are numerous adages that state failures lead to successes; learn from your mistakes; try, try again; and if you fall off, get back on. All true, but do you really need a list staring at you to remind you that you failed?
On the flip side, I have written thoughts down on paper and thrown them into a fire in an effort to let go. That felt the best. I was no longer disappointing myself, I was freeing myself of something that I no longer had a need for in my life. Maybe it was something dragging me down. It was a form of liberation without burning my bra. Especially since bras are really expensive.
As I picked up my notebook to begin creating my list of 2012 resolutions, I thought about the fires in the past and played with the thought of simply not doing it. After thinking about all the disappointment I have experienced with myself, I wondered which would be worse, no list or not meeting the goals on the list. As usual, I couldn't decide what to do. So, when in a quandary, change gears and walk away from the problem. The hope is that the answer will pop into my head when I expect it least. So I started brushing my dog and turned to my favorite blog, Zen Habits, for some reading. Amazingly, the latest post was all about NOT setting new year's resolutions. It was fate.
We already know the answers to our own questions but many times refuse to acknowledge them. For example, should I eat this piece of Death by Chocolate dessert even though I only have 5 pounds left to lose? Should I go out drinking even though I have been diagnosed with diabetes? Should I go to the gym, or watch Steel Magnolias for the 39th time while eating my tears with spoonfuls of Cherry Garcia ice cream? The same applies to resolutions. You already know what you want to accomplish. You might even have a business plan or something to that affect. Why torture yourself with yet another list? Don't you have some twatting on Twitter to do?
Instead of having a year-long "to-do" list that diversions cause you to stray from, experience a year of freedom. No more stressing about working hard enough to meet a goal or telling anyone what goal you are working towards. Release the unnecessary stress and enjoy the world around you while you experience new things at your whim. Not only are you free, but everyone around you is free as well. Free from your stress. I should know, I have been stressing out my family for years. Hopefully I can stick to a "no-resolution resolution." There will be a lot of happy people if I can.
Here's to freedom and a HAPPY NEW YEAR! Stay tuned for the next installation of "Thank You Notes from Hell" and the Super Bowl.
Carpe Diem!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
People Watching Without Going to Walmart
Today was a great day to take a drive and escape the congestion of the city. It was as if we lived in a time with no television, no air conditioning and a brand new convertible. The mercury was expected to stay under 100 degrees and the long flat roads of Texas called out. What better reason to drive than no reason at all. Southeast was the direction and within an hour of driving the terrain had changed markedly. There were beautiful trees, rolling hills and nary a car on the road. That's when the fun began.
To say it was like living in another time and place was the theme of the day. First stop, local gas station on the main strip. As the gas pump worked to fill our tank, we went into the store for a break and some refreshments. While waiting for my cohort to choose a drink, I noticed the cute young blond in front of me and thinking to myself, "She is very well put together for a girl in a small podunk town like this," until I noticed she was purchasing a 90 ounce Slurpee and two large bags of pork rinds. I tried to snap a picture, but I was seconds behind as she climbed two feet up into her pickup truck where her redneck boyfriend awaited his snicky snacks.
Next stop, the town square. Saturdays are good days to explore new places, find hidden gems, shop, eat, and enjoy the hustle and bustle of a small town. We headed for the local farmer's market which sets up on the sidewalk in front of the courthouse on the town square. When we arrived, we found nothing. No hustle, no bustle, not even a freakin' watermelon. After illegally crossing the street to avoid a toothless woman in a cowboy hat, we found a swanky espresso cafe / diner / wi-fi hot spot / antique shop on the corner. Our first mistake was actually asking the young women running the place (one with her infant baby) where the farmer's market was. The second mistake was waiting for the answer. The response from both women was "uh, oh, um . . . ooooh." After a few of those, we headed in the direction we thought was part of the answer only to find the local Walmart. Not even close ladies! Now we know where they shop because apparently the farmer's market closes at noon. The square was not entirely a bust. We found the local Chamber of Commerce open. The town square was as quiet as the day was long. Oh, and at the espresso . . . . shop, you can get statuary for your garden or the run of the mill coral for your bathroom decor all in one place.
After a jaunt at the lake watching small-town teenagers in cutoff jean shorts and high top tennis shoes, we were relaxed and de-stressed, mainly because we no longer had to worry about whether the 80's were dead. Apparently the 80's are alive and well in small towns. But the fun of watching teenagers try to ditch their alcohol in front of a police officer had to end and we needed to head back to the big city. Not all was lost because there were still road-side attractions yet to be touched and decided to stop at one of them on our return trip. The sign read "Good Cookin" in black spray paint. Sue's Roost was the name of the place. Too risky, we chickened out of the roost and headed to an old cotton gin off the highway instead. It is a restaurant that is physically inside an old cotton gin. We were greeted with a warm southern smile and could smell the home cooking. Taking in the ambiance, we stopped to gawk at the murals on the walls. The owners might as well hang rebel flags in the windows as curtains. Probably never noticed by the sweet waitresses, but peering down on them was a painting of a white man in a suit sitting on bales of cotton. He appeared to be watching his migrant and slave workers pick cotton, which in turn was taken to ships and sailed down the Mississippi past the white man's big mansion. History was no longer a subject in school, it was real and current. What nailed it home was observing a group of cowboys coming out of a back room to leave the gin and staring at a black man in the dining room as they walked past him. I'm not sure, but I think they had white pointy hats tucked in their back pockets next to their Skoal cans. (Photo by E. Newton).
Life can be sheltered living in the big city and vice versa. Young folk in small towns enjoy a night in the city, a chance to live in the fast lane for a few hours, and city folk enjoy the slow pace and quiet bliss of a small town to lower their blood pressure. They are worlds apart however. One day, we will move back in time again and despite the flaws in social skills, we will return to the espresso . . . . shop, if it still exists, and the cotton gin, if there are no burning crosses out front. For now, go out and explore, but remember, to each his own.
In case your imagination doesn't work and from the people who created "People of Walmart", try "Your Kid's Art Sucks." http://www.yourkidsartsucks.com/.
Carpe Diem!
To say it was like living in another time and place was the theme of the day. First stop, local gas station on the main strip. As the gas pump worked to fill our tank, we went into the store for a break and some refreshments. While waiting for my cohort to choose a drink, I noticed the cute young blond in front of me and thinking to myself, "She is very well put together for a girl in a small podunk town like this," until I noticed she was purchasing a 90 ounce Slurpee and two large bags of pork rinds. I tried to snap a picture, but I was seconds behind as she climbed two feet up into her pickup truck where her redneck boyfriend awaited his snicky snacks.
Next stop, the town square. Saturdays are good days to explore new places, find hidden gems, shop, eat, and enjoy the hustle and bustle of a small town. We headed for the local farmer's market which sets up on the sidewalk in front of the courthouse on the town square. When we arrived, we found nothing. No hustle, no bustle, not even a freakin' watermelon. After illegally crossing the street to avoid a toothless woman in a cowboy hat, we found a swanky espresso cafe / diner / wi-fi hot spot / antique shop on the corner. Our first mistake was actually asking the young women running the place (one with her infant baby) where the farmer's market was. The second mistake was waiting for the answer. The response from both women was "uh, oh, um . . . ooooh." After a few of those, we headed in the direction we thought was part of the answer only to find the local Walmart. Not even close ladies! Now we know where they shop because apparently the farmer's market closes at noon. The square was not entirely a bust. We found the local Chamber of Commerce open. The town square was as quiet as the day was long. Oh, and at the espresso . . . . shop, you can get statuary for your garden or the run of the mill coral for your bathroom decor all in one place.
After a jaunt at the lake watching small-town teenagers in cutoff jean shorts and high top tennis shoes, we were relaxed and de-stressed, mainly because we no longer had to worry about whether the 80's were dead. Apparently the 80's are alive and well in small towns. But the fun of watching teenagers try to ditch their alcohol in front of a police officer had to end and we needed to head back to the big city. Not all was lost because there were still road-side attractions yet to be touched and decided to stop at one of them on our return trip. The sign read "Good Cookin" in black spray paint. Sue's Roost was the name of the place. Too risky, we chickened out of the roost and headed to an old cotton gin off the highway instead. It is a restaurant that is physically inside an old cotton gin. We were greeted with a warm southern smile and could smell the home cooking. Taking in the ambiance, we stopped to gawk at the murals on the walls. The owners might as well hang rebel flags in the windows as curtains. Probably never noticed by the sweet waitresses, but peering down on them was a painting of a white man in a suit sitting on bales of cotton. He appeared to be watching his migrant and slave workers pick cotton, which in turn was taken to ships and sailed down the Mississippi past the white man's big mansion. History was no longer a subject in school, it was real and current. What nailed it home was observing a group of cowboys coming out of a back room to leave the gin and staring at a black man in the dining room as they walked past him. I'm not sure, but I think they had white pointy hats tucked in their back pockets next to their Skoal cans. (Photo by E. Newton).Life can be sheltered living in the big city and vice versa. Young folk in small towns enjoy a night in the city, a chance to live in the fast lane for a few hours, and city folk enjoy the slow pace and quiet bliss of a small town to lower their blood pressure. They are worlds apart however. One day, we will move back in time again and despite the flaws in social skills, we will return to the espresso . . . . shop, if it still exists, and the cotton gin, if there are no burning crosses out front. For now, go out and explore, but remember, to each his own.
In case your imagination doesn't work and from the people who created "People of Walmart", try "Your Kid's Art Sucks." http://www.yourkidsartsucks.com/.
Carpe Diem!
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Crazy People and More Thank You Notes from Hell!
Times are tough for a lot of people right now, and have been for a couple of years for some. Since there may be little relief in the immediate future, we have to concentrate on the good things. We have to stay positive and thankful for what we do have now (not wallow in our pity about what we had or could have had). In essence, we must keep our wits about us.
For example, if you DO have a job, try not to run people off the road on your way to work. Just because you are in a car does not mean you own the road. And, although you are probably smarter than the asshole in front of you, you might want to show restraint. For example, if someone flicks a cigarette butt out of a car window and it gets stuck under the hood of your car, be thankful for insurance. You're the lucky one who will get a new car after it burns up. Or, if some asshole cuts you off, try not to run them down. You will be thankful that they didn't call 911 and have you arrested for road rage.
If you are unemployed, take some time to watch Cops. You can learn a lot. For instance, if you are going to get into a dispute with your spouse over money, be sure to wear a shirt, but NOT a "wife-beater" t-shirt. No shirt or a "wife-beater" is an immediate sign that you will be arrested, and that can be costly.
Last, when you are in a jovial mood, please share it with everyone. Spread good energy around and help everyone be thankful. My new slogan: "No STD's, just good energy please!"
And because I am in a thankful mood, here is another installment of THANK YOU NOTES FROM HELL:
1. Thank you Casey Anthony for providing 6 plus weeks of entertainment on Headline News, CNN, Fox News, and every single online news source in the world. You are a total nut case, but you helped me avoid gaining 10 pounds by not going to baseball games. Instead, I came home from work every evening to endure an hour of that over-exposed Nancy Grace so I could catch up on your trial. Now, I am the same weight as when baseball season started and I have no desire to eat a hot dog.
2. Thank you to the Casey Anthony jury for coming to such a speedy decision. Not only did you put an end to a trial that went on far too long, but you swiftly kicked Nancy Grace off the top of the hill. For that, I love you, and I hope I never see Nancy Grace again.
3. Thank you John Boehner. I refuse to believe the pronunciation of your name used on television is correct because without my pronunciation of your surname, I could not smile and laugh every time I read an article about party leaders in our country.
4. Thank you Katy Perry for turning aliens into something sexual. I am finally interested.
5. Thank you again to the Casey Anthony jury for a quick deliberation. I finally have my boyfriend back. Now I can quit listening to Katy Perry.
6. Thank you God for this agonizing heat wave. For once in my life, I might enjoy the winter. (Ha, probably not.)
Send me your THANK YOU'S FROM HELL and I will post them!
For example, if you DO have a job, try not to run people off the road on your way to work. Just because you are in a car does not mean you own the road. And, although you are probably smarter than the asshole in front of you, you might want to show restraint. For example, if someone flicks a cigarette butt out of a car window and it gets stuck under the hood of your car, be thankful for insurance. You're the lucky one who will get a new car after it burns up. Or, if some asshole cuts you off, try not to run them down. You will be thankful that they didn't call 911 and have you arrested for road rage.
If you are unemployed, take some time to watch Cops. You can learn a lot. For instance, if you are going to get into a dispute with your spouse over money, be sure to wear a shirt, but NOT a "wife-beater" t-shirt. No shirt or a "wife-beater" is an immediate sign that you will be arrested, and that can be costly.
Last, when you are in a jovial mood, please share it with everyone. Spread good energy around and help everyone be thankful. My new slogan: "No STD's, just good energy please!"
And because I am in a thankful mood, here is another installment of THANK YOU NOTES FROM HELL:
1. Thank you Casey Anthony for providing 6 plus weeks of entertainment on Headline News, CNN, Fox News, and every single online news source in the world. You are a total nut case, but you helped me avoid gaining 10 pounds by not going to baseball games. Instead, I came home from work every evening to endure an hour of that over-exposed Nancy Grace so I could catch up on your trial. Now, I am the same weight as when baseball season started and I have no desire to eat a hot dog.
2. Thank you to the Casey Anthony jury for coming to such a speedy decision. Not only did you put an end to a trial that went on far too long, but you swiftly kicked Nancy Grace off the top of the hill. For that, I love you, and I hope I never see Nancy Grace again.
3. Thank you John Boehner. I refuse to believe the pronunciation of your name used on television is correct because without my pronunciation of your surname, I could not smile and laugh every time I read an article about party leaders in our country.
4. Thank you Katy Perry for turning aliens into something sexual. I am finally interested.
5. Thank you again to the Casey Anthony jury for a quick deliberation. I finally have my boyfriend back. Now I can quit listening to Katy Perry.
6. Thank you God for this agonizing heat wave. For once in my life, I might enjoy the winter. (Ha, probably not.)
Send me your THANK YOU'S FROM HELL and I will post them!
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Stingrays and Poison Ivy-a revisit
Three years ago, I got the bright idea to start a blog. I wanted to learn more about this thing called "blogging" and thought it would be a great way to keep up with all the crazy kids in cyberspace. Aside from not knowing how to function as a "blogger", I also felt that my writing skills were below par and a blog would force me to write more better (hee). At the same time, I could no longer ignore "wiener" flashing politicians, my own unfortunate yet comical incidents, and the unbelievable amount of ignorance and lunacy in the world without making fun of it in script. Which has brought me to my anniversary blog entry for 2011. Circumstances of a painful summer three years ago, similar to this summer's painful experience, give me something to celebrate (or commemorate) in this anniversary addition regarding Stingrays and poison ivy-a revisit..
As some people have heard, because word travels fast around my mother, I was stung by a stingray in the Gulf of Mexico over the Memorial Day weekend. Let's take a moment here to thank all of our soldiers, past and present, who have served for our country. Now back to our regular blog - it was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life. No mistaken, it was a stingray, and if not, it was an invisible shark with a pair of scissors that stabbed me in the top of my foot!! There were NO jelly fish, and the last time I read about manatees, I learned they are non-aggressive herbivores.
The water was very clear. Unfortunately, I failed to look down and check the sand before stepping on a stingray. After getting back to the hotel with a bloody foot that swelled up like a balloon, I had to sit there and put up with a 21 year old cabana boy talking me down from hyper ventilating as he forced me to soak my foot in scalding hot water. Only an hour and a half later, he was making fun of me when he realized I was not going to die from an allergic reaction. I should have taken his bucket of hot water and placed it over his head. Did I say that out loud? This was after I was exhausted from trying to swim back to the beach, and my brother dragging me in like I was a beached whale. My younger brother, who was witnessing this unfold, commented on the lack of first aid skills. Fortunately, neither brother did not pee on my foot, and my third brother was not present to make a comedy act out of it. It was humiliating enough that my horrible scream from the water had apparently cleared the beach.
I am now going on my almost one month since the incident. After one tetanus shot, x-rays, and three doctor visits, the swelling has gone down and some of the pain is gone. My foot is starting to feel like a foot again. During the ordeal, I was trying to find a cure and spent hours searching information on stingray stings. I was one step away from calling my grandmother's doctor in Florida for help, since I live five states away, and the worst thing they see here are seasonal allergies and gun shot wounds. I managed to learn a lot about stingrays and not how to overcome a sting.
Stingrays are cartilaginous fishes related to sharks. See, I told you! There are multiple families of stingrays, and most have one or more barbs on the end of their tails used as a self-defense mechanism. See picture below from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sting_ray. Their barbs are
covered in a sheath which holds venom. I had no idea stingrays actually had venom. Yes, I already know the Crocodile Hunter, Steve whatever his name is, died from being stung by a stingray. He was a lunatic and an exception. Stingrays actually conceal themselves from prey by hiding in the sand. These beady-eyed shark wanna-be's use smell and electro-receptors to find their prey, just like a shark. They usually feed on crustaceans and mollusks and the occasional human foot. They also carry a pair of scissors. (Just checking to see if you are still reading). When stingrays sting with their barb, it introduces venom. Between the barb piercing your skin and the electric shock of venom being introduced at a high rate of speed, the person experiences intense pain, swelling, muscle cramps, etc. If you are not allergic to the venom, then you basically suffer horrible pain until the venom breaks down. Since it is a protein-based venom, almost scalding hot water will break it down faster.
Rewind to three summers earlier and my battle against poison ivy. I am apparently very allergic to poison ivy and not stingray venom, thank God. In 2008, while at an outdoor concert in Zilker Park, Austin, Texas, I decided to pee in the bushes with my friend, who is NOT allergic to poison ivy. Of course, it was late, many beers later, dark, and a long walk to the car. The poison ivy was hiding in the bushes where I squatted. I fought the poison ivy all summer with steroids, acupuncture, herbal concoctions, gels, pastes, more steroids, more acupuncture, gels and paste, and finally a lot of complaining.
Which brings me to my previous list of things to avoid, especially in the summertime, and how to avoid them:
Always heed warning signs on the beach, for example, shuffle your feet or throw rocks in the water if there are stingrays present until there is a cure or anti-venom. Pain killers do not work!
Never drink in an open public park with all of your friends where weeds are not well maintained.
Never, ever let your friends persuade you to urinate in unmaintained weeds in an open public park when drunk, especially if you are a girl!
Never let anyone urinate on an open wound from a sting on a public beach.
BONUS (for the upcoming 4th of July weekend):
Never stand close to anyone with fireworks who says, "Hey! Watch this!"
Carpe Diem!
As some people have heard, because word travels fast around my mother, I was stung by a stingray in the Gulf of Mexico over the Memorial Day weekend. Let's take a moment here to thank all of our soldiers, past and present, who have served for our country. Now back to our regular blog - it was the most excruciating pain I have ever experienced in my life. No mistaken, it was a stingray, and if not, it was an invisible shark with a pair of scissors that stabbed me in the top of my foot!! There were NO jelly fish, and the last time I read about manatees, I learned they are non-aggressive herbivores.
The water was very clear. Unfortunately, I failed to look down and check the sand before stepping on a stingray. After getting back to the hotel with a bloody foot that swelled up like a balloon, I had to sit there and put up with a 21 year old cabana boy talking me down from hyper ventilating as he forced me to soak my foot in scalding hot water. Only an hour and a half later, he was making fun of me when he realized I was not going to die from an allergic reaction. I should have taken his bucket of hot water and placed it over his head. Did I say that out loud? This was after I was exhausted from trying to swim back to the beach, and my brother dragging me in like I was a beached whale. My younger brother, who was witnessing this unfold, commented on the lack of first aid skills. Fortunately, neither brother did not pee on my foot, and my third brother was not present to make a comedy act out of it. It was humiliating enough that my horrible scream from the water had apparently cleared the beach.
I am now going on my almost one month since the incident. After one tetanus shot, x-rays, and three doctor visits, the swelling has gone down and some of the pain is gone. My foot is starting to feel like a foot again. During the ordeal, I was trying to find a cure and spent hours searching information on stingray stings. I was one step away from calling my grandmother's doctor in Florida for help, since I live five states away, and the worst thing they see here are seasonal allergies and gun shot wounds. I managed to learn a lot about stingrays and not how to overcome a sting.
Stingrays are cartilaginous fishes related to sharks. See, I told you! There are multiple families of stingrays, and most have one or more barbs on the end of their tails used as a self-defense mechanism. See picture below from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sting_ray. Their barbs are
covered in a sheath which holds venom. I had no idea stingrays actually had venom. Yes, I already know the Crocodile Hunter, Steve whatever his name is, died from being stung by a stingray. He was a lunatic and an exception. Stingrays actually conceal themselves from prey by hiding in the sand. These beady-eyed shark wanna-be's use smell and electro-receptors to find their prey, just like a shark. They usually feed on crustaceans and mollusks and the occasional human foot. They also carry a pair of scissors. (Just checking to see if you are still reading). When stingrays sting with their barb, it introduces venom. Between the barb piercing your skin and the electric shock of venom being introduced at a high rate of speed, the person experiences intense pain, swelling, muscle cramps, etc. If you are not allergic to the venom, then you basically suffer horrible pain until the venom breaks down. Since it is a protein-based venom, almost scalding hot water will break it down faster.
Rewind to three summers earlier and my battle against poison ivy. I am apparently very allergic to poison ivy and not stingray venom, thank God. In 2008, while at an outdoor concert in Zilker Park, Austin, Texas, I decided to pee in the bushes with my friend, who is NOT allergic to poison ivy. Of course, it was late, many beers later, dark, and a long walk to the car. The poison ivy was hiding in the bushes where I squatted. I fought the poison ivy all summer with steroids, acupuncture, herbal concoctions, gels, pastes, more steroids, more acupuncture, gels and paste, and finally a lot of complaining.
Which brings me to my previous list of things to avoid, especially in the summertime, and how to avoid them:
Always heed warning signs on the beach, for example, shuffle your feet or throw rocks in the water if there are stingrays present until there is a cure or anti-venom. Pain killers do not work!
Never drink in an open public park with all of your friends where weeds are not well maintained.
Never, ever let your friends persuade you to urinate in unmaintained weeds in an open public park when drunk, especially if you are a girl!
Never let anyone urinate on an open wound from a sting on a public beach.
BONUS (for the upcoming 4th of July weekend):
Never stand close to anyone with fireworks who says, "Hey! Watch this!"
Carpe Diem!
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Things you SHOULD know!
#1. Karma really is a bitch. We have all heard this saying, but probably passed it off as hooey. It's true in the sense that karma - (the ancient Indian concept of cause and effect) - can take you to task. For example, I was recently on an airplane and noticed a young girl wearing clothing I recognized as sleepwear from a particular Secret line of clothing, if you know what I mean. Comfortable, but not exactly what I would wear for a trip to a major airport or running for the lavatory on a crowded plane. In my not so tactful way, I mentioned to the passenger next to me (who was commenting on the girl's casual clothing) that they were in fact PJ's, not to be confused with a real jogging suit. Interestingly, we were chastising her for having the word PINK splashed across her rear as she ran past us for the bathroom, and not the fact that the turbulence was causing her to vomit. Sometimes the slightest infraction can hurt someone, and I guess, karma was on that girl's side that day. After I arrived home from that trip, I had diarrhea for the three days!
#2 Never, ever judge a book by its cover. How many times have you heard this or said this? I find that the educated, the curious, and the wise are good at faking it, and the young do not hold back. As with flocks of people, I venture out on my lunch hour almost every day to reconnect with the world. The other day, I was on the hunt for food (which is usually every 2 hours of every day that I am awake). I walked to Freebirds, a funky, build-your-own burrito factory that will not haunt you later in the day. You can even make tin foil objects from your wrapping and leave them for display or ultimate mutilation by a teenager. The young woman that checked me out was wearing an Insane Clown Posse ("ICP") t-shirt, and the speakers were blaring a Beastie Boys song to which I knew every word. I mentioned at the check out that the music was great, I liked her t-shirt and that I had been to an ICP concert. Not only that, I thought, with all of her tattoos and pink hair, I judged her a a hard-working, pleasant young woman. My judgment changed when she cracked up and stated "I can't believe you know who ICP is by looking at you." Now all I can think about is the girl on the plane. (Pictures of ICP too crude to include. The Beastie Boys are three jewish guys from the Bronx, nothing to show there either.)
#3 Do NOT take pilates from someone who wears camo! I thought the schedule said yoga at noon. My yoga mat was laid out, I was sans my running shoes, and I was ready for a zen lunch hour of yoga. I noticed everyone sitting at two ends of the room facing each other and that should have been my first clue. Then, the wildest and most unsettled woman I have ever encountered entered the room. She was about 6 foot tall with curly, curly blond Medusa-looking hair, incredibly bright red lipstick, a bathing suit top, a somewhat protruding belly that looked angry, some sort of orange warm-up pants and cammo toe shoes. She was discussing her most recent online dating adventure and a recent murder of a pilates teacher in the area. (Second clue, should have left.) It was too late to leave, the music started cranking and the madness began. There were crunches of the abs and butt, bar bells and limbs flailing everywhere, and lots of screaming. I had apparently read the schedule wrong. It was not yoga, it was pilates from hell! Mrs. Hitler was late getting there, so the torture was going to end in 45 minutes or when I dropped a dumbbell on my head. I managed to survive, not quite until the end, and escape. As I drove through the parking lot to leave, I spotted a green Jeep with a cammo wheel cover and a sign on the back that said "Extreme Pilates". I didn't know until that day that "extreme" and "pilates" went together, and I probably will not be able to walk or recover from the trauma for three days!
(www.victoriassecret.com)
#2 Never, ever judge a book by its cover. How many times have you heard this or said this? I find that the educated, the curious, and the wise are good at faking it, and the young do not hold back. As with flocks of people, I venture out on my lunch hour almost every day to reconnect with the world. The other day, I was on the hunt for food (which is usually every 2 hours of every day that I am awake). I walked to Freebirds, a funky, build-your-own burrito factory that will not haunt you later in the day. You can even make tin foil objects from your wrapping and leave them for display or ultimate mutilation by a teenager. The young woman that checked me out was wearing an Insane Clown Posse ("ICP") t-shirt, and the speakers were blaring a Beastie Boys song to which I knew every word. I mentioned at the check out that the music was great, I liked her t-shirt and that I had been to an ICP concert. Not only that, I thought, with all of her tattoos and pink hair, I judged her a a hard-working, pleasant young woman. My judgment changed when she cracked up and stated "I can't believe you know who ICP is by looking at you." Now all I can think about is the girl on the plane. (Pictures of ICP too crude to include. The Beastie Boys are three jewish guys from the Bronx, nothing to show there either.)
#3 Do NOT take pilates from someone who wears camo! I thought the schedule said yoga at noon. My yoga mat was laid out, I was sans my running shoes, and I was ready for a zen lunch hour of yoga. I noticed everyone sitting at two ends of the room facing each other and that should have been my first clue. Then, the wildest and most unsettled woman I have ever encountered entered the room. She was about 6 foot tall with curly, curly blond Medusa-looking hair, incredibly bright red lipstick, a bathing suit top, a somewhat protruding belly that looked angry, some sort of orange warm-up pants and cammo toe shoes. She was discussing her most recent online dating adventure and a recent murder of a pilates teacher in the area. (Second clue, should have left.) It was too late to leave, the music started cranking and the madness began. There were crunches of the abs and butt, bar bells and limbs flailing everywhere, and lots of screaming. I had apparently read the schedule wrong. It was not yoga, it was pilates from hell! Mrs. Hitler was late getting there, so the torture was going to end in 45 minutes or when I dropped a dumbbell on my head. I managed to survive, not quite until the end, and escape. As I drove through the parking lot to leave, I spotted a green Jeep with a cammo wheel cover and a sign on the back that said "Extreme Pilates". I didn't know until that day that "extreme" and "pilates" went together, and I probably will not be able to walk or recover from the trauma for three days!
Sunday, March 20, 2011
The Centenarian
It's been a while, and I hope that everyone is well despite the world events. I'm sure everyone has been as busy as I and enjoying every minute. But I am trying to get back to one thing I love, and that is this blog. On that note, I want to share one of my recent writing projects with you. In order for you to really get a grasp of the personality I wrote about, I have to lead you into it a bit.
One day, when I was about fourteen years old, my grandmother came to town to visit. She would come to Dallas from time to time to visit us, and I couldn't wait to get home from school. She always came bearing gifts from various parts of the world she had been to and had outlandish stories to tell. Not only that, I loved looking at all of her jewelry, and there was a lot. She was always dressed nice, wore lots of gold necklaces, bracelets and rings, all at one time, and her hair was always stacked high on top of her head.
When I arrived home from school, we hugged and kissed, and as usual, I ran upstairs to my bedroom to change my clothes. As soon as I got to my bedroom I let out a shrilling scream. On my dresser sat a large circle of thick, braided hair in a dressy hairnet which was usually on my grandmother's head. I couldn't believe it! After the initial shock of finding hair and no head in my bedroom, my grandmother explained that she had grown her hair long, cut it off, and made a braid out of it. The hair on her head was still down her back. She puts her hair in a bun, and then adds the braid on top. No wonder she wore so many hair clips. That was my first real insight into my grandmother.
In May, this same eccentric woman will be a Centenarian. She still gets around with no problems, is incredibly lucid and very interesting. And, one of my projects has been to recognize her achievement in age through various sources including the Whitehouse, The Today Show, the newspaper and other organizations. What I have come up with is an abbreviated version of her story, and I hope you enjoy it.
It’s official, on May 29, 2011, Antonietta Ajello Montin “Ann”, the newest centenarian of Largo, will celebrate her 100th birthday in grand style. Ann was born in 1911 during a time of building and innovation in America. She exhibits the excitement in America during the beginning of the 20th century with her unique personality, vivaciousness, intellect and style. Her birthday party will be held on May 28th at Pinecrest Place, with the same exuberance, as Ann will host a formal affair, with dinner, dancing, live music, and champagne topped off with sweet delicacies and a chocolate fountain. As we celebrate her century mark, we share her wonderful history.
Ann was born in New York City as the middle child of eleven to Adelina Vaccaro and Antonino Ajello. She was surrounded by wonderful brothers and sisters her entire childhood, growing up in Manhattan and the Bronx. Since Ann and her siblings went to all-girl catholic schools or military academies, holidays were her most memorable times because her entire family would be together. After dinner, Ann’s family would gather and have parties, or they would sit around her father and listen to him play guitar.
On April 23, 1933, a grown up Ann married Vincent Minchillo, whose family was from Foggia, Italy. They had two sons, Joseph and Vincent. When her two sons were very young, Ann’s husband passed away unexpectedly. Ann rebounded and remarried, moved to Vermont, and expanded her family with a third son, Mario Fusco. In the 1950’s, Ann left Vermont and returned to her home state of New York to start a new chapter in her life. She began working for an executive assisting him with travel arrangements to support herself and her family. It was this job that gave Ann her first peek into the world of travel, and from there, she took a keen interest in working for a travel agency. She got her first passport in 1958 after starting her new career as a travel agent for an agency in the Federal Building in New York City.
Over the next 40 years, Ann and her career took off, literally. Ann traveled around the world several times over. Her travels extended up and down the Ivory Coast, took her to China after the Borders were open, flew her to many parts of Persia including Iran and Afghanistan, to Asia, and all over warm and friendly South America. One of her favorite places to visit is Indonesia. During every trip, she made it a point to attend a funeral, a wedding and a fiesta, and all of these events combined reminded her of all the beautiful traditions and things life had to offer. She has fond memories of wonder and amazement from visiting many countries that are now experiencing natural disasters, strife and war. Ann took hundreds of photographs and Super 8 film recording discoveries and stories beyond belief. She brought her children and grandchildren back mementos from each trip representing the indigenous people and culture of each country. And of course, there is no lack of stories from her fascinating visits.
On one of Ann’s many visits to Italy, Ann and her sister were boarding a train in Palermo. They boarded the dining car in hopes to be served lunch on their trip back to Rome. However, they were told they could not sit in the dining car since it was not time for dinner, but Ann was hungry and refused to move. The waiter had no choice but to relent and grant Ann’s wish to dine. As the train started, the dining car doors were locked, the curtains were drawn, music began, and six men entered the back of the dining car. The waiter went straight to the six men and took their order first. When he returned to Ann’s dining table to take her order, Ann lectured the waiter on the American custom of women first. But that did not matter, as the waiter explained that one of the six men was the current Italian Premier, Amintore Fanfani. Not to be outdone, Ann announced to the waiter that she was the Contessa Anna Maria. He was astonished, and informed the Premier that he was sharing the dining car with a Contessa. Once the six men learned there was a Contessa on the train, the mood changed. Prime Minister Fanfani and the other men stood up and bowed at Ann and her sister. They sent over a bowl of cherries and tasty liquors. And finally, when Ann and her sister got up to leave the dining car, all six men greeted them and kissed their hands. Ann was an Italian Contessa for a day, but has lived her life as if she really is a Contessa.
Ann’s family is originally from Sorrento, Italy, where in 1775 The Ajello Candle Company was created. In 1785, Ajello candles were recognized by the Catholic Church and The Ajello Candle Company was commissioned to make all of the candles for the Vatican. From there, Ajello candles spread to be sold to Europe’s elite including kings, queens and the Pope. In 1862, the creator’s grandson, Rafael Ajello, and his two sons, came to America and opened a candle shop in Manhattan. Antonino, one of the sons and Ann’s father, took special care to make sure the business was a success. It was in New York that Antonino began producing candles for people like President Franklin D. Roosevelt. As the company grew in popularity, it helped to celebrate grand events all over the United States and Europe and eventually expanded west to Beverly Hills. In 1935, the Ajello family opened a candle shop in the famed Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Manhattan and celebrated a new generation of elite customers for the next 40 years. Today the Ajello family still operates candle shops in California and New York.
Ann married Joseph “Nino” Montin in 1982 at the age of 71 in New Jersey. Together, they moved to Florida and lived happily in love in Cape Coral for many years. Although she lost Nino many years ago, she still loves and has a beautiful heart. Ann is as vibrant as the North Star, or as many family members describe her, “sharp as a tack”. You can ask her every day what her secret to longevity is, and her answer always includes garlic, red wine, olive oil, laughing, watching game shows like the Wheel of Fortune to keep her mind sharp, watching the Bachelor for fun, and treating others the way she wants to be treated. And Ann has a lot to smile and laugh about. She still brags about her teeth and long hair, especially because they are all hers.
It is fun to listen to her reminisce about the horse and buggies on Pleasant Avenue in New York City and the five cent subway fares and how far she has come. Even more interesting are facts including that Ann never had a driver’s license and never drove a car, but managed to travel all over the world. More amazing, Ann has never even worn pants! She is too stylish and always dresses like a lady with her hair beautifully pinned up.
Ann is the mother of three children, eight grandchildren, and twelve great grandchildren. Her family and friends are gathering from far and wide in Largo, Florida to celebrate her century mark, and to wish Ann the happiest birthday. She truly brings inspiration and joy every day to people around her whether family, friends, neighbors or complete strangers. She is a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, grandmother, great aunt, friend, neighbor and Contessa!
One day, when I was about fourteen years old, my grandmother came to town to visit. She would come to Dallas from time to time to visit us, and I couldn't wait to get home from school. She always came bearing gifts from various parts of the world she had been to and had outlandish stories to tell. Not only that, I loved looking at all of her jewelry, and there was a lot. She was always dressed nice, wore lots of gold necklaces, bracelets and rings, all at one time, and her hair was always stacked high on top of her head.
When I arrived home from school, we hugged and kissed, and as usual, I ran upstairs to my bedroom to change my clothes. As soon as I got to my bedroom I let out a shrilling scream. On my dresser sat a large circle of thick, braided hair in a dressy hairnet which was usually on my grandmother's head. I couldn't believe it! After the initial shock of finding hair and no head in my bedroom, my grandmother explained that she had grown her hair long, cut it off, and made a braid out of it. The hair on her head was still down her back. She puts her hair in a bun, and then adds the braid on top. No wonder she wore so many hair clips. That was my first real insight into my grandmother.
In May, this same eccentric woman will be a Centenarian. She still gets around with no problems, is incredibly lucid and very interesting. And, one of my projects has been to recognize her achievement in age through various sources including the Whitehouse, The Today Show, the newspaper and other organizations. What I have come up with is an abbreviated version of her story, and I hope you enjoy it.
It’s official, on May 29, 2011, Antonietta Ajello Montin “Ann”, the newest centenarian of Largo, will celebrate her 100th birthday in grand style. Ann was born in 1911 during a time of building and innovation in America. She exhibits the excitement in America during the beginning of the 20th century with her unique personality, vivaciousness, intellect and style. Her birthday party will be held on May 28th at Pinecrest Place, with the same exuberance, as Ann will host a formal affair, with dinner, dancing, live music, and champagne topped off with sweet delicacies and a chocolate fountain. As we celebrate her century mark, we share her wonderful history.
Ann was born in New York City as the middle child of eleven to Adelina Vaccaro and Antonino Ajello. She was surrounded by wonderful brothers and sisters her entire childhood, growing up in Manhattan and the Bronx. Since Ann and her siblings went to all-girl catholic schools or military academies, holidays were her most memorable times because her entire family would be together. After dinner, Ann’s family would gather and have parties, or they would sit around her father and listen to him play guitar.
On April 23, 1933, a grown up Ann married Vincent Minchillo, whose family was from Foggia, Italy. They had two sons, Joseph and Vincent. When her two sons were very young, Ann’s husband passed away unexpectedly. Ann rebounded and remarried, moved to Vermont, and expanded her family with a third son, Mario Fusco. In the 1950’s, Ann left Vermont and returned to her home state of New York to start a new chapter in her life. She began working for an executive assisting him with travel arrangements to support herself and her family. It was this job that gave Ann her first peek into the world of travel, and from there, she took a keen interest in working for a travel agency. She got her first passport in 1958 after starting her new career as a travel agent for an agency in the Federal Building in New York City.
Over the next 40 years, Ann and her career took off, literally. Ann traveled around the world several times over. Her travels extended up and down the Ivory Coast, took her to China after the Borders were open, flew her to many parts of Persia including Iran and Afghanistan, to Asia, and all over warm and friendly South America. One of her favorite places to visit is Indonesia. During every trip, she made it a point to attend a funeral, a wedding and a fiesta, and all of these events combined reminded her of all the beautiful traditions and things life had to offer. She has fond memories of wonder and amazement from visiting many countries that are now experiencing natural disasters, strife and war. Ann took hundreds of photographs and Super 8 film recording discoveries and stories beyond belief. She brought her children and grandchildren back mementos from each trip representing the indigenous people and culture of each country. And of course, there is no lack of stories from her fascinating visits.
On one of Ann’s many visits to Italy, Ann and her sister were boarding a train in Palermo. They boarded the dining car in hopes to be served lunch on their trip back to Rome. However, they were told they could not sit in the dining car since it was not time for dinner, but Ann was hungry and refused to move. The waiter had no choice but to relent and grant Ann’s wish to dine. As the train started, the dining car doors were locked, the curtains were drawn, music began, and six men entered the back of the dining car. The waiter went straight to the six men and took their order first. When he returned to Ann’s dining table to take her order, Ann lectured the waiter on the American custom of women first. But that did not matter, as the waiter explained that one of the six men was the current Italian Premier, Amintore Fanfani. Not to be outdone, Ann announced to the waiter that she was the Contessa Anna Maria. He was astonished, and informed the Premier that he was sharing the dining car with a Contessa. Once the six men learned there was a Contessa on the train, the mood changed. Prime Minister Fanfani and the other men stood up and bowed at Ann and her sister. They sent over a bowl of cherries and tasty liquors. And finally, when Ann and her sister got up to leave the dining car, all six men greeted them and kissed their hands. Ann was an Italian Contessa for a day, but has lived her life as if she really is a Contessa.
Ann’s family is originally from Sorrento, Italy, where in 1775 The Ajello Candle Company was created. In 1785, Ajello candles were recognized by the Catholic Church and The Ajello Candle Company was commissioned to make all of the candles for the Vatican. From there, Ajello candles spread to be sold to Europe’s elite including kings, queens and the Pope. In 1862, the creator’s grandson, Rafael Ajello, and his two sons, came to America and opened a candle shop in Manhattan. Antonino, one of the sons and Ann’s father, took special care to make sure the business was a success. It was in New York that Antonino began producing candles for people like President Franklin D. Roosevelt. As the company grew in popularity, it helped to celebrate grand events all over the United States and Europe and eventually expanded west to Beverly Hills. In 1935, the Ajello family opened a candle shop in the famed Waldorf Astoria Hotel in Manhattan and celebrated a new generation of elite customers for the next 40 years. Today the Ajello family still operates candle shops in California and New York.
Ann married Joseph “Nino” Montin in 1982 at the age of 71 in New Jersey. Together, they moved to Florida and lived happily in love in Cape Coral for many years. Although she lost Nino many years ago, she still loves and has a beautiful heart. Ann is as vibrant as the North Star, or as many family members describe her, “sharp as a tack”. You can ask her every day what her secret to longevity is, and her answer always includes garlic, red wine, olive oil, laughing, watching game shows like the Wheel of Fortune to keep her mind sharp, watching the Bachelor for fun, and treating others the way she wants to be treated. And Ann has a lot to smile and laugh about. She still brags about her teeth and long hair, especially because they are all hers.
It is fun to listen to her reminisce about the horse and buggies on Pleasant Avenue in New York City and the five cent subway fares and how far she has come. Even more interesting are facts including that Ann never had a driver’s license and never drove a car, but managed to travel all over the world. More amazing, Ann has never even worn pants! She is too stylish and always dresses like a lady with her hair beautifully pinned up.
Ann is the mother of three children, eight grandchildren, and twelve great grandchildren. Her family and friends are gathering from far and wide in Largo, Florida to celebrate her century mark, and to wish Ann the happiest birthday. She truly brings inspiration and joy every day to people around her whether family, friends, neighbors or complete strangers. She is a daughter, sister, mother, aunt, grandmother, great aunt, friend, neighbor and Contessa!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
After the Holidays - Thank U's From Hell
If you were wondering what to do with those old thank you cards embellished with smiley faces and rainbows purchased ten years ago at a garage sale for .50, wonder no longer. Its time to write those thank you notes, even for those not so thoughtful or eccentric gifts. Therefore, I present "Thank U's From Hell."
Scenario 1:
Your boy/girl friend, husband/wife, significant other waited until Christmas Eve to take the time to shop. Note, they did not ponder, they went directly to the shopping. The only problem is he/she waited until 11:45 pm on the eve of Christmas to make sure you were asleep. Once they confirmed your dream induced state, they slipped out of the house and found the closest 24-hour drug store or convenience store. So now you are the proud owner of a Snuggy with purple dinosaurs pictured on it, Oakland Raiders' slippers, a pocket knife, a tire gauge, and some left over Halloween candy. Now, now, its the thought that counts.
"Dear Bob/Dolores, thank you so much for the crap you bought me on Christmas Eve. I love it. Next time you might want to let the car warm up so it doesn't back fire on your way to 7-11."
Love . . . .
Scenario 2
A co-worker, and strictly a co-worker, gives you a handcrafted piece of work from their 4 year old child, grandchild, niece, nephew or nanny's child, grandchild . . . Unfortunately you have no idea what it is, what it is supposed to be, what its function is, if any, and would have preferred a bottle of Jack Daniels.
"Dear Harry/Linda, thank you so much for the prize. It is proudly displayed at my home." Need I say more.
Scenario 3
Your book club decided to spend yet another week not discussing the book you chose, and have a secret Santa party. Yeah! Everyone quickly prepared for the party by drawing names, setting a price limit and immediately ditching the book, "The Cat Who Came for Christmas" for the third year in a row. Darn. The party arrives, the wine flows, and the gifts are passed out. Despite your attempt to elicit very specific gifts within the price limit, your secret Santa went all out. The sheer surprise on your face was joy enough for your secret Santa when you unwrapped your new shampoo and raw diet book. Just what you wanted, to starve to death and smell good doing it.
"Dear Kelly/Frank, thank you so much for the thoughtful gifts. I'm sure I will love the Kumquat & Brown Spice shampoo. I will be sure to share some yummies from the new raw diet book if I don't eat it first. Hee hee, just a joke. Love Kathy Bates."
As we get older, that old saying starts to have true meaning, "if you want something done you have to do it yourself." So if you want the magic of Christmas, forgot it.
Carpe Diem from Hell!
C
Scenario 1:
Your boy/girl friend, husband/wife, significant other waited until Christmas Eve to take the time to shop. Note, they did not ponder, they went directly to the shopping. The only problem is he/she waited until 11:45 pm on the eve of Christmas to make sure you were asleep. Once they confirmed your dream induced state, they slipped out of the house and found the closest 24-hour drug store or convenience store. So now you are the proud owner of a Snuggy with purple dinosaurs pictured on it, Oakland Raiders' slippers, a pocket knife, a tire gauge, and some left over Halloween candy. Now, now, its the thought that counts.
"Dear Bob/Dolores, thank you so much for the crap you bought me on Christmas Eve. I love it. Next time you might want to let the car warm up so it doesn't back fire on your way to 7-11."
Love . . . .
Scenario 2
A co-worker, and strictly a co-worker, gives you a handcrafted piece of work from their 4 year old child, grandchild, niece, nephew or nanny's child, grandchild . . . Unfortunately you have no idea what it is, what it is supposed to be, what its function is, if any, and would have preferred a bottle of Jack Daniels.
"Dear Harry/Linda, thank you so much for the prize. It is proudly displayed at my home." Need I say more.
Scenario 3
Your book club decided to spend yet another week not discussing the book you chose, and have a secret Santa party. Yeah! Everyone quickly prepared for the party by drawing names, setting a price limit and immediately ditching the book, "The Cat Who Came for Christmas" for the third year in a row. Darn. The party arrives, the wine flows, and the gifts are passed out. Despite your attempt to elicit very specific gifts within the price limit, your secret Santa went all out. The sheer surprise on your face was joy enough for your secret Santa when you unwrapped your new shampoo and raw diet book. Just what you wanted, to starve to death and smell good doing it.
"Dear Kelly/Frank, thank you so much for the thoughtful gifts. I'm sure I will love the Kumquat & Brown Spice shampoo. I will be sure to share some yummies from the new raw diet book if I don't eat it first. Hee hee, just a joke. Love Kathy Bates."
As we get older, that old saying starts to have true meaning, "if you want something done you have to do it yourself." So if you want the magic of Christmas, forgot it.
Carpe Diem from Hell!
C
Sunday, December 19, 2010
'Tis a Green Christmas
'Tis the Sunday before Christmas, and all through the US, the shoppers are crazy to find the best. Now only six days left to find the perfect gift, you can't disappoint or you will hear a rift. So settle down and don't risk your life, just go green and dismiss the mall hype. With a list of how too's and magic in the air, create lots of jolliness without any despair. Now I am done with my poem and have no more to share, consider the list of greenness that is more than fair. And Merry Christmas to all from here, until I email you again in the new year!
Done with driving, fighting traffic, no available parking, long lines? Why do we do this to ourselves every year? I am working on going green, and I will admit its hard. In line with gardening and recycling, I tried to incorporate some greenness (and not in a Scrooge way), into Christmas. Instead of creating more pollution, here's how we can take advantage of America's love for over consumption while giving great gifts.
1. RE GIFTING. Admit it, you probably have some really nice things that you will never use, do not like, or have no clue how to put them to use. They are taking up space in your cabinets. Or maybe you are a hoarder. Stop hording and give a little. I would be willing to place a bet that even Queen Elizabeth has re gifted.
2. JOEY'S GIFT EXCHANGE. My cousin Joey must have full credit for this idea, and I think it is awesome. Have a Christmas party and exchange. This is not necessarily a gift exchange or white elephant. It is where you bring unused or unwanted and unwrapped items (you are not re gifting) from your house. Everyone sets them out. Some people will find things they can use others will not. But the point is that the unused items in your house will be appreciated. You spend no money on buying gifts, but yet you make someone else happy, and potentially find something really cool that you want.
3. BUY PRODUCTS WITH LESS PACKAGING. There are lots of products on the market, including toys, with a lot of unnecessary and environmentally unfriendly packaging. Buy products with the least amount of packaging as gifts, like toilet paper. People always need it and will always use it!
4. SHOP ESTATE SALES. Real estate sales are a treasure trove of stuff. When old people die or are moved off to a nursing home, their stuff is often sold off. A true estate sale can contain 50 years or more of stuff including gifts they never re gifted that their own families do not want. You can find silver, china, sports memorabilia, and doilies. All good choices for someone on your list.
5. MOVIE EXCHANGE. Have a movie exchange with your friends or family. Now is your chance to get rid of all those movies you have watched over and over or those porno flics you have been hiding in the closet. Come on guys, you know you have purchased some tacky movies from time to time.
6. MAKE SOMETHING. Think you can't make something? Wrong, you definitely can create something. I have been to several art studios to with lots of expensive "art" that looks like a 5 year old put it together. You can compile a bunch of crap, glue it all together, and call it a masterpiece. Give the gift of art that will never go away. Make sure you use materials that will not compost and can be sealed so it will stand the test of time. This will truly test how gracious the recipient is, but also recycles materials that would otherwise be sitting in the garage, the shed or the trash.
Over the next six days, one of the six ideas above will help you have a Green Christmas. I think I will make this a tradition! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
p.s. On a more serious note, if you do not have a Kindle or cannot afford to purchase one, you can download the Kindle software for free on your PC. So if you receive or giving the gift of Amazon, remember to share the free Kindle for PC software.
Carpe Diem
Done with driving, fighting traffic, no available parking, long lines? Why do we do this to ourselves every year? I am working on going green, and I will admit its hard. In line with gardening and recycling, I tried to incorporate some greenness (and not in a Scrooge way), into Christmas. Instead of creating more pollution, here's how we can take advantage of America's love for over consumption while giving great gifts.
1. RE GIFTING. Admit it, you probably have some really nice things that you will never use, do not like, or have no clue how to put them to use. They are taking up space in your cabinets. Or maybe you are a hoarder. Stop hording and give a little. I would be willing to place a bet that even Queen Elizabeth has re gifted.
2. JOEY'S GIFT EXCHANGE. My cousin Joey must have full credit for this idea, and I think it is awesome. Have a Christmas party and exchange. This is not necessarily a gift exchange or white elephant. It is where you bring unused or unwanted and unwrapped items (you are not re gifting) from your house. Everyone sets them out. Some people will find things they can use others will not. But the point is that the unused items in your house will be appreciated. You spend no money on buying gifts, but yet you make someone else happy, and potentially find something really cool that you want.
3. BUY PRODUCTS WITH LESS PACKAGING. There are lots of products on the market, including toys, with a lot of unnecessary and environmentally unfriendly packaging. Buy products with the least amount of packaging as gifts, like toilet paper. People always need it and will always use it!
4. SHOP ESTATE SALES. Real estate sales are a treasure trove of stuff. When old people die or are moved off to a nursing home, their stuff is often sold off. A true estate sale can contain 50 years or more of stuff including gifts they never re gifted that their own families do not want. You can find silver, china, sports memorabilia, and doilies. All good choices for someone on your list.
5. MOVIE EXCHANGE. Have a movie exchange with your friends or family. Now is your chance to get rid of all those movies you have watched over and over or those porno flics you have been hiding in the closet. Come on guys, you know you have purchased some tacky movies from time to time.
6. MAKE SOMETHING. Think you can't make something? Wrong, you definitely can create something. I have been to several art studios to with lots of expensive "art" that looks like a 5 year old put it together. You can compile a bunch of crap, glue it all together, and call it a masterpiece. Give the gift of art that will never go away. Make sure you use materials that will not compost and can be sealed so it will stand the test of time. This will truly test how gracious the recipient is, but also recycles materials that would otherwise be sitting in the garage, the shed or the trash.
Over the next six days, one of the six ideas above will help you have a Green Christmas. I think I will make this a tradition! HAPPY NEW YEAR!
p.s. On a more serious note, if you do not have a Kindle or cannot afford to purchase one, you can download the Kindle software for free on your PC. So if you receive or giving the gift of Amazon, remember to share the free Kindle for PC software.
Carpe Diem
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
Go Straight to the New Year
I'm skipping right over Christmas as if Rudolph spooked and flew over North America. Every year I hear disheartening comments decrying the Christmas holiday. For a lot of people, 'tis the season of stress, overeating and credit card abuse. And if you don't submiss to advertisers pleas to lavishly spend on your children, buy a diamond ring or a Lexus, then really, whats the point? So this year, I am giving Saint Nicholas a vacation, and I'm letting go of the stress caused by a never ending cycle of seeking out the perfect gift that does not exist. I'm pulling the plug on Christmas. (Not really, I love giving gifts and visiting with family over the holiday, but for this blog, I'm throwing in the towel.) It's time to just let go. If the Christmas holiday brings you down, then you should pull the plug too.
The Christmas lights are out, but the new year is being pulled around the corner by eight white horses. To smooth over the loss of a major holiday, and to provide rejuvenation, I came up with a fantastic idea for new year's eve. Instead of the usual party horns and champagne, or the burying of deep thoughts in the yard to dig up next year, or the destruction of bad thoughts by burning them in a bonfire in the middle of your living room, ask the people around you for help.
How do we do that? We allow our loved one(s) to write our new year's resolutions for us and we write theirs! That's right. Your project for the next two weeks is for you to have the person closest to you write your new year's resolutions. Here is the example for women to write for their husbands and boyfriends around the world:
1. I will always pick up my dirty laundry
2. I will help with cleaning out the litter box
3. I will go to the mall with my girlfriend at least three times next year
4. I will plan more vacations
5. I will actually go grocery shopping
6. I will learn what to put in the recycling bin
7. I will remember that when I am nagged it is because I am not doing items 1-6.
See how easy that is? I'm sure my boyfriend's new year's resolutions for me will look something like this:
1. I will stop nagging him to clean
2. I will stop nagging him to clean the litter box
3. I will not ask him to go for a walk with the dogs
4. I will not ask him if he is mad at me
5. I will not ask him if I look fat in those jeans
6. I will go or watch the equivalent of 200 baseball games with him
7. I will love the catchers mitt he bought me for Christmas.
I would love to share your lists on the blog. Hope to see your lists soon. Just click on "Post a Comment" link to post a comment below.
Namaste, Carpe Diem and Merry Christmas anyway!
The Christmas lights are out, but the new year is being pulled around the corner by eight white horses. To smooth over the loss of a major holiday, and to provide rejuvenation, I came up with a fantastic idea for new year's eve. Instead of the usual party horns and champagne, or the burying of deep thoughts in the yard to dig up next year, or the destruction of bad thoughts by burning them in a bonfire in the middle of your living room, ask the people around you for help.
How do we do that? We allow our loved one(s) to write our new year's resolutions for us and we write theirs! That's right. Your project for the next two weeks is for you to have the person closest to you write your new year's resolutions. Here is the example for women to write for their husbands and boyfriends around the world:
1. I will always pick up my dirty laundry
2. I will help with cleaning out the litter box
3. I will go to the mall with my girlfriend at least three times next year
4. I will plan more vacations
5. I will actually go grocery shopping
6. I will learn what to put in the recycling bin
7. I will remember that when I am nagged it is because I am not doing items 1-6.
See how easy that is? I'm sure my boyfriend's new year's resolutions for me will look something like this:
1. I will stop nagging him to clean
2. I will stop nagging him to clean the litter box
3. I will not ask him to go for a walk with the dogs
4. I will not ask him if he is mad at me
5. I will not ask him if I look fat in those jeans
6. I will go or watch the equivalent of 200 baseball games with him
7. I will love the catchers mitt he bought me for Christmas.
I would love to share your lists on the blog. Hope to see your lists soon. Just click on "Post a Comment" link to post a comment below.
Namaste, Carpe Diem and Merry Christmas anyway!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Baseball, Then Roller Derby, Then Football
If you were entertained by frozen pizza's and Saturday Night Live in the late 70's, you will recognize this line, "Baseball has bin bery bery good to me." If there is no recognition, pretend you are a Black comedian pretending to be a baseball player from the Dominican Republic. It was the age of Gilda Radner and it was funny. I didn't get the joke about baseball until Alex Rodriguez betrayed the Texas Rangers for millions of dollars to play for the Yankees. And although I am not making gazillions of dollars playing shortstop for the Yanks, baseball has been very good to me this year. This was the first time in my life that I watched baseball with purpose, that I went to the baseball games to cheer a specific player, that I purchased a jersey to show my support for the home team. I had no idea that 30 attended games and ten pounds later (all from $1 hot dog night at the ball park), that the Texas Rangers would go to the World Series and I would purchase a foam finger. Wow. And in reality, my boyfriend made the game come alive. He rooted for the home team instead of watching 500 other baseball games at the risk of making me feel benched. He taught me a lot about being a vigilant Rangers fan. The season is now over, and as I attempt to lose my hot dog buns until next season, I must find other forms of entertainment.
Ah yes, a good old fashioned roller derby. Awesome stuff. I went to my first Roller Derby match, bout, mash up, whatever you want to call it, the week before Halloween. Flashbacks from the 70's once again, except this time, it's flat track, it's fast, it's a bit crude and there are no ropes separating you from the skaters. This can be treacherous if your seat is not more than 3 feet off the ground. The women on a team make up jammers and blockers. As you can imagine, the jammers are usually small, agile and quick, and the blockers, well, you will see in the background of the picture below. None of the skaters understand that fishnets and big thighs don't mix and three feet off the ground is not high enough! Aside from a little pushing, hip checking and a lot of screaming, it was mostly an underwear show. The batman underwear was not to be outdone by the half time show in between bouts. I took a video of roller derby queens dressed as zombies recreating Michael Jackson's Thriller video. It was on YouTube until my boyfriend received a threatening email to take it down because of some crazy copyright thingy. Other entertainment was provided by a giant with a dead baby doll. You will just have to watch football for a real half time show.
Speaking of which, I still love the Dallas Cowboys despite their constant suckitude. As I was lying in bed after their Sunday night beat down, I asked, "Why doesn't Jerry Jones fire some people mid season and shake things up?" The answer given to me was "Because it's mid-season, teams will wait until the end of the year to change coaching." Ha, I guess Jones took my advice. For now, all I care about is how my fantasy football teams are doing. That's right, I said "teams" plural. I swore last year that I would never play again. It was a pain in my ass to remember to set my lineup every week. And God forbid a player had the week off. Yet here we are mid-season and I have two teams to maintain. And honestly, I am not doing too bad. Despite my connection of stupidity to fantasy football, I now enjoy it in a twisted way. Admittedly, I do not commit a lot of time to my research every week, but I know how to get the information. Wahaha. So now on Sunday when I get up, I hang out on the couch in my underwear, scratch myself, check out my lineup and wait for the clock to strike noon. If I don't make it to the playoffs, I think I will try out for roller derby.
Don't worry, I'm still doing yoga, cooking, wearing makeup and high heels and love horses. Namaste!
Ah yes, a good old fashioned roller derby. Awesome stuff. I went to my first Roller Derby match, bout, mash up, whatever you want to call it, the week before Halloween. Flashbacks from the 70's once again, except this time, it's flat track, it's fast, it's a bit crude and there are no ropes separating you from the skaters. This can be treacherous if your seat is not more than 3 feet off the ground. The women on a team make up jammers and blockers. As you can imagine, the jammers are usually small, agile and quick, and the blockers, well, you will see in the background of the picture below. None of the skaters understand that fishnets and big thighs don't mix and three feet off the ground is not high enough! Aside from a little pushing, hip checking and a lot of screaming, it was mostly an underwear show. The batman underwear was not to be outdone by the half time show in between bouts. I took a video of roller derby queens dressed as zombies recreating Michael Jackson's Thriller video. It was on YouTube until my boyfriend received a threatening email to take it down because of some crazy copyright thingy. Other entertainment was provided by a giant with a dead baby doll. You will just have to watch football for a real half time show.
Speaking of which, I still love the Dallas Cowboys despite their constant suckitude. As I was lying in bed after their Sunday night beat down, I asked, "Why doesn't Jerry Jones fire some people mid season and shake things up?" The answer given to me was "Because it's mid-season, teams will wait until the end of the year to change coaching." Ha, I guess Jones took my advice. For now, all I care about is how my fantasy football teams are doing. That's right, I said "teams" plural. I swore last year that I would never play again. It was a pain in my ass to remember to set my lineup every week. And God forbid a player had the week off. Yet here we are mid-season and I have two teams to maintain. And honestly, I am not doing too bad. Despite my connection of stupidity to fantasy football, I now enjoy it in a twisted way. Admittedly, I do not commit a lot of time to my research every week, but I know how to get the information. Wahaha. So now on Sunday when I get up, I hang out on the couch in my underwear, scratch myself, check out my lineup and wait for the clock to strike noon. If I don't make it to the playoffs, I think I will try out for roller derby.
Don't worry, I'm still doing yoga, cooking, wearing makeup and high heels and love horses. Namaste!
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Stop the Aging Process and Lose Weight Now!
I’m starring down the barrel of 45 . . . age that is. All of a sudden I’m ten years older and ten pounds heavier. I had never had an issue with weight, ever, before now. I was a toothpick growing up. That could have been due to the fact that we had a family of six, and many times seven, and if I didn't eat fast enough, there was nothing left. In reality, I would rather eat a bowl of sugar once a day than eat three healthy meals. Now, if I even think about eating a bowl of sugar I gain a couple of pounds and ten more gray hairs.
I know I'm in the same boat with many aging people, extra weight (commonly known as “Fat”), cellulite (ick!), saggy skin, wrinkles, gray hair, and really need I go on. And for all you young ladies out there that think you are immune, I have news for you. I used to be young too. Such sweet revenge, but still, doesn't help the fact that my body parts are falling, sagging, wrinkling, growing and/or shrinking. Once I think I have something under control through a new workout program, then I have to color my hair. Once that is done, I have to get stronker wrinkle cream.
There are few options in the battle of the bulge and fighting old age. Here are some ideas that are outside of the box but could have dramatic affects.
1. Get stranded on a desert island. This will certainly cause radical changes in your weight and probably improve your tan. Not sure your skin conditions are going to improve, but you will definitely lose some fat.
2. Start putting 100% of your salary into your 401K. This will leave nothing left for food.
3. Abandon earth and purchase a seat somewhere in space. Your comfort is certainly going to depend on losing some weight, especially if you want to fit into that space suit. We might as well, especially since Iran and Korea continue to threaten nuclear war for no reason whatsoever. Meeting with Professor Hawking anyone?
4. Rob a bank and get caught, or not. Either way, the stress of running from the law and then eventually getting caught and going to prison will cause you not to eat for a long time. However, the consequences are that you will balloon in weight once you start eating all the starchy food served in prison cafeterias. Yuk.
5. Add Cayenne to every meal. It will hurt and you will spend a lot of time in the bathroom, but you will lose weight!
6. Eat some eggs that have one of the following numbers on the carton P-1026, P-1413, and P-1946. Salmonella will not kill you, but it will make you very ill.
If you have any good suggestions you would like me to add, let me know!!
Carpe Diem
I know I'm in the same boat with many aging people, extra weight (commonly known as “Fat”), cellulite (ick!), saggy skin, wrinkles, gray hair, and really need I go on. And for all you young ladies out there that think you are immune, I have news for you. I used to be young too. Such sweet revenge, but still, doesn't help the fact that my body parts are falling, sagging, wrinkling, growing and/or shrinking. Once I think I have something under control through a new workout program, then I have to color my hair. Once that is done, I have to get stronker wrinkle cream.
There are few options in the battle of the bulge and fighting old age. Here are some ideas that are outside of the box but could have dramatic affects.
1. Get stranded on a desert island. This will certainly cause radical changes in your weight and probably improve your tan. Not sure your skin conditions are going to improve, but you will definitely lose some fat.
2. Start putting 100% of your salary into your 401K. This will leave nothing left for food.
3. Abandon earth and purchase a seat somewhere in space. Your comfort is certainly going to depend on losing some weight, especially if you want to fit into that space suit. We might as well, especially since Iran and Korea continue to threaten nuclear war for no reason whatsoever. Meeting with Professor Hawking anyone?
4. Rob a bank and get caught, or not. Either way, the stress of running from the law and then eventually getting caught and going to prison will cause you not to eat for a long time. However, the consequences are that you will balloon in weight once you start eating all the starchy food served in prison cafeterias. Yuk.
5. Add Cayenne to every meal. It will hurt and you will spend a lot of time in the bathroom, but you will lose weight!
6. Eat some eggs that have one of the following numbers on the carton P-1026, P-1413, and P-1946. Salmonella will not kill you, but it will make you very ill.
If you have any good suggestions you would like me to add, let me know!!
Carpe Diem
Sunday, July 18, 2010
FEELING FREE WITH REDNECKS BECAUSE I CARE
The big gasp everyone took at the first images of hundreds of gallons of oil gushing into the Gulf is finally being exhaled as the BP Cap appears to be holding. I wonder what my dad, an engineer of all sorts, would have thought of that debacle. Here is an oil and gas giant with massive amounts of resources, but none that could stop the deep sea monster they created. Some one at BP with brains finally stepped up to the monster and is resolving the problem. Maybe every one in the Gulf can start breathing again.
This makes me feel free. Free to go to the Gulf of Mexico for a vacation, maybe the redneck riviera in Florida. They have been advertising a lot here in Texas, and it looks nice. I can get out of the city and breathe, something we all need to practice more. Breath can do a lot of things. It is used as the basis of meditation and yoga. It brings life to our bodies and our minds. It creates a feeling of calm. We walk around all day taking in short breaths and don't realize we are suffocating ourselves. The more everyone practices breathing more fully, the happier everyone will be with each other.
On the other hand, sometimes being quiet and breathing is just not enough. There are times where you have to stand up for yourself or someone else because the other person isn't breathing. In fact, they are hyperventilating or choking on their own ego. (Kind of like Mel Gibson.)
The other day I was in bumper to bumper traffic. In front of me was a large man in a large pick up truck with really large tires. He was smoking a cigarette and tailgating a small Toyota in front of him. There was essentially no wear to go to escape, except slowly changing lanes. The guy in the truck was upset, smoking and providing multiple one-finger bouquets to the driver of the Toyota. The truck could have easily driving right over the small Toyota, but smartly the Toyota driver exited the highway (with his blinker) where I was exiting. All of a sudden, the big pick up decided to exit as well while throwing his cigarette out of the window, and continued the relentless pursuit of torture of the driver of the Toyota. I exited to the right turn only lane where I was all alone. The Toyota sat helpless with the big pick up truck behind in a long line of cars at a traffic light to turn left. I was free to do what I wanted. In my zen way, I pulled up next to the truck, looked at the driver and smiled. I rolled my window down, he rolled his window down. I asked politely with a smile "did that truck come with an ashtray?" He screamed at me "What do you care?" I smiled back and said "I care." His retort, "FU!" as I expected. So I asked, "Why don't you leave that person in front of you alone and have a nice day." And as I drove off, I could see his fat body bouncing around flailing his arms as he screamed. He was stuck in heavy traffic, and I was free in so many ways. God it felt good. (This is not recommended, especially in Texas with a lot of gun toting rednecks. Leave it to the professionals and those like me who are too stupid to know better.)
I'm feeling really good now, relaxed. Free to pursue my writing again, continue volunteer work, enjoy my new job, hang out with friends, and wait for my fantasy football league invitations. There is something to be said for breathing.
"Our grand business in life is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."
-- Thomas Carlyle
This makes me feel free. Free to go to the Gulf of Mexico for a vacation, maybe the redneck riviera in Florida. They have been advertising a lot here in Texas, and it looks nice. I can get out of the city and breathe, something we all need to practice more. Breath can do a lot of things. It is used as the basis of meditation and yoga. It brings life to our bodies and our minds. It creates a feeling of calm. We walk around all day taking in short breaths and don't realize we are suffocating ourselves. The more everyone practices breathing more fully, the happier everyone will be with each other.
On the other hand, sometimes being quiet and breathing is just not enough. There are times where you have to stand up for yourself or someone else because the other person isn't breathing. In fact, they are hyperventilating or choking on their own ego. (Kind of like Mel Gibson.)
The other day I was in bumper to bumper traffic. In front of me was a large man in a large pick up truck with really large tires. He was smoking a cigarette and tailgating a small Toyota in front of him. There was essentially no wear to go to escape, except slowly changing lanes. The guy in the truck was upset, smoking and providing multiple one-finger bouquets to the driver of the Toyota. The truck could have easily driving right over the small Toyota, but smartly the Toyota driver exited the highway (with his blinker) where I was exiting. All of a sudden, the big pick up decided to exit as well while throwing his cigarette out of the window, and continued the relentless pursuit of torture of the driver of the Toyota. I exited to the right turn only lane where I was all alone. The Toyota sat helpless with the big pick up truck behind in a long line of cars at a traffic light to turn left. I was free to do what I wanted. In my zen way, I pulled up next to the truck, looked at the driver and smiled. I rolled my window down, he rolled his window down. I asked politely with a smile "did that truck come with an ashtray?" He screamed at me "What do you care?" I smiled back and said "I care." His retort, "FU!" as I expected. So I asked, "Why don't you leave that person in front of you alone and have a nice day." And as I drove off, I could see his fat body bouncing around flailing his arms as he screamed. He was stuck in heavy traffic, and I was free in so many ways. God it felt good. (This is not recommended, especially in Texas with a lot of gun toting rednecks. Leave it to the professionals and those like me who are too stupid to know better.)
I'm feeling really good now, relaxed. Free to pursue my writing again, continue volunteer work, enjoy my new job, hang out with friends, and wait for my fantasy football league invitations. There is something to be said for breathing.
"Our grand business in life is not to see what lies dimly at a distance, but to do what lies clearly at hand."
-- Thomas Carlyle
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Two Australian Guys Walk into a Bar . . . .
I'm seriously behind on my writing projects, but that's okay. One of my goals this year is to keep up my blog, and the other is to chill out. So I guess right now, I'm in the "chill out" phase of writing on my blog. Mostly because the world seems to be experiencing some really strange things, and I can't write any better than the world can create chaos. An acquaintance claims it is the position of the planets right now through October, at least. I can't disagree with her. It makes more sense then the Texas Governor who stated the oil gushing into the Gulf of Mexico is an act of God. This is a man that shot a coyote while out for a job with his dog. Once he felt safe, he and his dog continued on their run. So many things wrong with this story, and so little time, so here's the link for you crazed political junkies: http://law.rightpundits.com/?p=1523.
Regarding the Derby, I had no pick, but will predict Super Saver will NOT be the next triple crown winner. He just doesn't have it in him. And after meeting Lulu, I think I know who the 2012 Derby winner will be - her picture is below). Lulu is a 3 week old thoroughbred filly who likes her butt scratched!)
I hope everything is cool. Stay away from anything bad for you, aliens, and the Gulf Coast.
I went to Chicago recently and escaped. Now if you have to go to Chicago to escape oil leaks, Greece going bankrupt and your computer, than the planets are definitely not aligned. I did have a great time, and amassed a lot of writing material. Like the story of two Australian guys in a bar. I'll save it for later since it is one way to look at national health care, and right now everyone is sick, form national health care (except me).
Last, I usually write about the Kentucky Derby. Instead of writing about this year's race, I completely missed it. Yes, there is a DVR in my house, and yes, I set it to record. It just so happens that those darn planets caused the phone, the satellite and the DSL to all go down within a couple of days of each other. It was weird, like aliens visiting weird. In fact, the Saturday night before all of this, I was chilling out in a hotel lobby at about 11:00 at night. No, I wasn't hookin, I was waiting for a midnight movie to begin at the Texas Frightmare Weekend. (A story for some other day.) John Carpenter and Elvira were even in attendance. But as I am sitting in the bar, I was zoning in on Larry King Live on the television. He had two guests on, one was Stephen Hawking, who believes that we should not be talking to aliens, or encouraging in any way, their visitation here on earth. I think it's a little late for that. But for all you people out there coaxing them to land in your back yard, STOP IT! I don't want to become a lab human.
Regarding the Derby, I had no pick, but will predict Super Saver will NOT be the next triple crown winner. He just doesn't have it in him. And after meeting Lulu, I think I know who the 2012 Derby winner will be - her picture is below). Lulu is a 3 week old thoroughbred filly who likes her butt scratched!)
I hope everything is cool. Stay away from anything bad for you, aliens, and the Gulf Coast.
Cyn
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Watch Out Poison Ivy!
It was the first week in August of 2008 that I launched by blog "Jejune Advice to All." I can't believe it's been almost two years! My hope is that it has been mildly to very entertaining at times for each person who reads it. Poking fun at myself (and everything else in the world) has been liberating. And, as always, the world around me feeds great topics to blog about. However, there is one blog entry that I would love to forget . . . my summer long battle with poison ivy!
On the eve of summer 2010, I would like to celebrate my eventual win over the devious ivy (I may not have won the war, but I managed to not to pick a fight for the past two years). In celebration, I would like to report that a solution to the growing need for poison ivy control has been discovered. GOATS! That's right, you can rent your very own herd of goats to clear brush and eat your poison ivy. For those of you who need to rent a goat, I'm including a link to a great article from the Dirt Doctor with video on herds of plant destroying goats. So if you want to get rid of weeds, poison oak, squirrels and your lawn, a herd of goats can't be beat.
http://www.dirtdoctor.com/organic/garden/view_question/id/3093/
This may be old news to some of you, but for me it solidifies my decision to harbor a furry weed eating nanny in my backyard. I can claim it's a medical necessity. I wonder if the City of Dallas would buy that? I can't wait!
Carpe Diem.
On the eve of summer 2010, I would like to celebrate my eventual win over the devious ivy (I may not have won the war, but I managed to not to pick a fight for the past two years). In celebration, I would like to report that a solution to the growing need for poison ivy control has been discovered. GOATS! That's right, you can rent your very own herd of goats to clear brush and eat your poison ivy. For those of you who need to rent a goat, I'm including a link to a great article from the Dirt Doctor with video on herds of plant destroying goats. So if you want to get rid of weeds, poison oak, squirrels and your lawn, a herd of goats can't be beat.
http://www.dirtdoctor.com/organic/garden/view_question/id/3093/
This may be old news to some of you, but for me it solidifies my decision to harbor a furry weed eating nanny in my backyard. I can claim it's a medical necessity. I wonder if the City of Dallas would buy that? I can't wait!
Carpe Diem.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Solutions to America's Problems Anyone?
I'm going to pull the plug, and am publishing my most controversial blog yet. For years, I have pondered about homelessness in America, the population growth from both immigration and birth in America, how we can help others and help our own country, on and on. At times I seem to have flashes of brilliance only to be harshly admonished for being too conservative or too liberal. No matter what political party, religion or groups you affiliate yourself with, you have to admit, America may just be in trouble.
With that said, I am publishing my humble ideas, (which are subject to change at any moment), and hopefully will get to hear about your ideas.
PROBLEMS:
We have lots of unwanted children.
We have drugs.
We have gangs.
We have violent crime (not just crime, but violent crime).
Drugs, gangs and violent crime are frequently interrelated. Drug dealers are usually in gangs. Gang members usually carry guns. Guns usually lead to violent crimes when carried by drug dealers in a gang. Every once in a while you hear about the high profile murder of an unsuspecting family person or a crime of passion. But those are few and far between compared to the common violent crimes on the streets of any major metropolitan area. So where do we begin to fix it?
THE BIGGER PROBLEM:
It starts with the parents at home, the environment, the total unconsciousness of our society. Let's start with the reason you are married and have children. Most of you planned your children, or if you didn't, you took responsibility for your children and then maybe planned additional children. You work, raise your children, teach them between right and wrong, and your children go to school. If you don't have children, you probably made a conscious decision to not have children. Most parents that plan and/or take responsibility for their children live a life of consciousness.
The problem is, not everyone lives their life in conciousness, planning, and trying to make the right decisions. Many people live uncarring, ego driven lives. These people are usually drug addicts, drug dealers, gang members, come from abusive horrible backgrounds, or are just simply dark souls with no conscience at all (like Jeffrey Dahmer).
Everyone wants solutions, and everyone has great ideas, but this is where the controversy always arises. One person, side, party, religion, etc. may believe that their solution is better than the other. The truth is no one knows whether it is a good solution until it is implemented. Results will show whether it was worthwhile or not. And how will we know unless we have results? Kind of like the healthcare plan.
SUGGESTIONS??
1. Legalize certain drugs. I know that sounds crazy, and probably doesn't resolve turf war issues, but certainly will change the black market entirely (which also exists in prisons by the way), thus changing how drugs are sold. I doubt it would make them more prevelant because there would be strict rules as to the amount, control and sale of drugs. People would be going to prison for real crimes as opposed to some goofy college student with 1/2 ounce of weed in his pocket he was going to smoke on the couch.
2. Ban hand guns, ALL HAND GUNS (except for police and military). How can a drug dealer, desparate drug addict, or gang member shoot or rob anyone if they don't have a hand gun? Do you really need 20 handguns? What's wrong with a rifle? I like rifles, I think they are fun to shoot. I know, what about your constitutional rights? I think if our founding fathers saw what was going on in society today, they would be disgusted at the mutation and abuse of the meaning of the our constitutional rights. Having a well-armed militia does not mean allowing everyone the right to own a handgun, especially if 70% of the people with handguns possess them and use them unlawfully. I would give up my handguns in a heart beat if it meant the mass reduction of violent crimes in America. If you think I'm wrong, you are living in a bubble. Yes, there have been violent crimes committed with rifles and shotguns, and that can always go up, but you can't hide a rifle in your pants at a night club or in the arm rest of your car. In 2002, there were over 16,000 murders, over 8,000 from the use of a hand gun. You can check out stats (albeit old) and the 2nd Amendment at http://www.csus.edu/indiv/g/gaskilld/SocialIssues14/guns.htm
3. Pay people to have a vasectomy or a tubal ligation (tying up those tubes)! I had been racking my brains for years for a solution to the overbirth of unwanted poor children who are only going to be subjected to a life of poverty and crime. I'm not saying that everyone should just stop having children if you live in the projects or are poor, but those children should be planned or at least taken care of in a kind humane manner in which people were meant to live. America is supposed to be the exemplar country of power, truth and freedom, but we constantly hear stories of atrocities committed against innocent children who have no part in their own abuse or death. If you were a drug addict, what would you choose? To have a child you have no intention of feeding or caring for or to have money $$$ to buy more drugs? I know this is a hard one to swallow, but someone I know came up with the idea of paying people to spay or neuter themselves. I love the idea. Mine was always to provide free birth control, but you cannot force someone to use it. This provides permanent birth control. This does not mean you cannot first have children. Maybe you are 20, unemployed, and you have four children from three different daddies who are no where to be found. Don't you think its time for a little self control?
CONCLUSION:
As there must be, evil will probably find a way to sneak back in and ruin my great ideas once implemented. But think of the amount of money we will save without tax hikes and bigger government by decreasing the prison population, decreasing the general population, decreasing the medicaid outlays, and decreasing the amount of overtime our homicide detectives work. Some states would save millions of dollars in just one year from sales tax of marijuana alone!
Crazy, outlandish, but admittedly, sensible.
Carpe Diem!
With that said, I am publishing my humble ideas, (which are subject to change at any moment), and hopefully will get to hear about your ideas.
PROBLEMS:
We have lots of unwanted children.
We have drugs.
We have gangs.
We have violent crime (not just crime, but violent crime).
Drugs, gangs and violent crime are frequently interrelated. Drug dealers are usually in gangs. Gang members usually carry guns. Guns usually lead to violent crimes when carried by drug dealers in a gang. Every once in a while you hear about the high profile murder of an unsuspecting family person or a crime of passion. But those are few and far between compared to the common violent crimes on the streets of any major metropolitan area. So where do we begin to fix it?
THE BIGGER PROBLEM:
It starts with the parents at home, the environment, the total unconsciousness of our society. Let's start with the reason you are married and have children. Most of you planned your children, or if you didn't, you took responsibility for your children and then maybe planned additional children. You work, raise your children, teach them between right and wrong, and your children go to school. If you don't have children, you probably made a conscious decision to not have children. Most parents that plan and/or take responsibility for their children live a life of consciousness.
The problem is, not everyone lives their life in conciousness, planning, and trying to make the right decisions. Many people live uncarring, ego driven lives. These people are usually drug addicts, drug dealers, gang members, come from abusive horrible backgrounds, or are just simply dark souls with no conscience at all (like Jeffrey Dahmer).
Everyone wants solutions, and everyone has great ideas, but this is where the controversy always arises. One person, side, party, religion, etc. may believe that their solution is better than the other. The truth is no one knows whether it is a good solution until it is implemented. Results will show whether it was worthwhile or not. And how will we know unless we have results? Kind of like the healthcare plan.
SUGGESTIONS??
1. Legalize certain drugs. I know that sounds crazy, and probably doesn't resolve turf war issues, but certainly will change the black market entirely (which also exists in prisons by the way), thus changing how drugs are sold. I doubt it would make them more prevelant because there would be strict rules as to the amount, control and sale of drugs. People would be going to prison for real crimes as opposed to some goofy college student with 1/2 ounce of weed in his pocket he was going to smoke on the couch.
2. Ban hand guns, ALL HAND GUNS (except for police and military). How can a drug dealer, desparate drug addict, or gang member shoot or rob anyone if they don't have a hand gun? Do you really need 20 handguns? What's wrong with a rifle? I like rifles, I think they are fun to shoot. I know, what about your constitutional rights? I think if our founding fathers saw what was going on in society today, they would be disgusted at the mutation and abuse of the meaning of the our constitutional rights. Having a well-armed militia does not mean allowing everyone the right to own a handgun, especially if 70% of the people with handguns possess them and use them unlawfully. I would give up my handguns in a heart beat if it meant the mass reduction of violent crimes in America. If you think I'm wrong, you are living in a bubble. Yes, there have been violent crimes committed with rifles and shotguns, and that can always go up, but you can't hide a rifle in your pants at a night club or in the arm rest of your car. In 2002, there were over 16,000 murders, over 8,000 from the use of a hand gun. You can check out stats (albeit old) and the 2nd Amendment at http://www.csus.edu/indiv/g/gaskilld/SocialIssues14/guns.htm
3. Pay people to have a vasectomy or a tubal ligation (tying up those tubes)! I had been racking my brains for years for a solution to the overbirth of unwanted poor children who are only going to be subjected to a life of poverty and crime. I'm not saying that everyone should just stop having children if you live in the projects or are poor, but those children should be planned or at least taken care of in a kind humane manner in which people were meant to live. America is supposed to be the exemplar country of power, truth and freedom, but we constantly hear stories of atrocities committed against innocent children who have no part in their own abuse or death. If you were a drug addict, what would you choose? To have a child you have no intention of feeding or caring for or to have money $$$ to buy more drugs? I know this is a hard one to swallow, but someone I know came up with the idea of paying people to spay or neuter themselves. I love the idea. Mine was always to provide free birth control, but you cannot force someone to use it. This provides permanent birth control. This does not mean you cannot first have children. Maybe you are 20, unemployed, and you have four children from three different daddies who are no where to be found. Don't you think its time for a little self control?
CONCLUSION:
As there must be, evil will probably find a way to sneak back in and ruin my great ideas once implemented. But think of the amount of money we will save without tax hikes and bigger government by decreasing the prison population, decreasing the general population, decreasing the medicaid outlays, and decreasing the amount of overtime our homicide detectives work. Some states would save millions of dollars in just one year from sales tax of marijuana alone!
Crazy, outlandish, but admittedly, sensible.
Carpe Diem!
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
MONEY!
Hate talking about money? Me too! But instead of being clueless I decided to come face-to-face with something that I fear, saving! Who would of thought in high school that the term 401K would be music to your ears? Since many of us probably included a goal related to money in our new year's resolutions, I thought I would float out some information that might be helpful - maybe.
I'm not a financial advisor now, nor do I know much about investing. In fact, I'm terrible at it, and have rarely had access to a 401K from the employers I have worked for. I have scrimped and saved here and there only to blow it. Now that I am sort of getting older, (but still look fabulous), I start taking this saving thing seriously. I have relied solely on advice from friends, employers, financial advisors, investment books and free articles on the Internet. Most say, "diversify". How do you diversify if you have no money?
If you are like me and freaking out, then pull yourself up by the bootstraps and get busy. Social Security is bankrupt, the US may be bankrupt soon, and I don't think our exports are going to out perform Asia any time soon no matter how bad Toyota is performing right now. But alas, we are not doomed. There's lots we can do to try and secure our future savings.
First, since I do not have a 401K (the ability to save like crazy tax free and earn free money from your employer's match) I started a Roth IRA. I contribute after-tax money every month. Even a small amount adds up. I do this with an online account for free. And I am taking advantage of time and embarking on investing in overseas companies (except Toyota)!
Second, because of sky rocketing (I mean into another atmosphere) cost of health insurance, I got a high deductible health plan with a Health Savings Account. I had to research it, but several banks have separate Health Savings Accounts, like "HSA Bank" or "Bank of America". The account is similar to an IRA. You can deposit or rollover up to $3,000 a year into this tax free savings vehicle. You are not taxed on the deposits. The bank will send you a credit card just for your health care expenses. You can even use it on therapeutic massages, medications, dental, homeopathic remedies and vitamins, as long as it is within your defined plan. If you have out-of-pocket expenses for medical, you can repay yourself from your HSA. Or, you can be healthy, not spend the money and leave it in there to earn interest. Just be sure to watch the bank fee, which is usually a monthly maintenance fee. Maybe you are lucky and your employer offers this as well, if so, take advantage of it.
Third, I rolled over an old 401K I had into a free, no-load mutual fund with Vanguard. http://www.vanguard.com/. They have lots of mutual funds from low to high risk. It is a traditional IRA, so right now I am not making contributions to it since I would end up taxed twice, once before deposit my earnings, and twice when I withdraw the money at retirement. I have put it in a stock index fund that has grown over the years (except when Bush was President). If I roll it over to a Roth IRA, I will have to pay taxes on it, so I might consider eventually rolling it over to a Roth little by little so all of my taxes are paid on it before I retire. Definitely get advise on this before you proceed - yikes!
Fourth, if you have a 401K, figure out how much you need to live on, and try and put the maximum into your 401K, even if your employer doesn't contribute. You are not taxed on the money that goes into your 401K, therefore, you are paying less tax on your gross receipts, saving, and potentially getting free money from your employer. Wow. I know, you can't afford it, BS, give up the lattes, cigarrettes, buying three pairs of shoes every month, 500 channels on satellite (what's wrong with 120?) and lunch out every day, yeah you know who you are?
Fifth, I have a small savings account connected to my checking account. I try to keep a month's salary in there, but that is hard. It never fails that you have taxes to pay, emergencies, car repairs - ugghh, or you just have to have that . . . . . . . If you are tapping into emergency savings for things you "want" as opposed to things you "need" then you should re-think it by 48 hours. You will find that you can live without it for a little while. I also have that savings connected to my checking in case I get overdrawn. There are lots of fees related to overdraws now that the banks are suffering financially. Don't give them any reason to charge you extra.
Sixth, get down to one credit card. I have no annual fee and my interest is fairly low. I do not get points or awards because those are the cards that have a $25 to $75 annual fee. Since I do not spend that much money every month to earn points, it is not worth it. So reevaluate whether all those costs for a credit card with points is worth it.
Seventh, budget. I have tried this over and over, and hope to get it eventually. But if you are willing to attempt it, Microsoft Excel has a great template that will set you up and show you immediately whether you are in the red or not. I am going to utilize Mint from Intuit for free. If you file with TurboTax, it will give you the option to download Mint for free as well. You can also link to it on your "MyYahoo" page and see your budget every day.
Eighth, stash some cash away here and there for something just for you, like vacation. Somewhere that you do not look or think about every day. A shoe you never wear, a bra (like my cuz Debbie), or a sock with holes in it. (I wouldn't stash it in your car, bad idea). That's your play money. Maybe gamble with it, go on a vacation, buy something frivilous, or get some plastic surgery with it. I said "frivilous."
Last, I wanted to share an article from a blog I like to read "Get Rich Slowly." Lots of good articles and thought provoking posts. http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2010/03/03/the-problem-with-prognostication-why-you-shouldnt-invest-based-on-expert-predictions/
GOOD LUCK AND WISH ME LUCK!
C
First, since I do not have a 401K (the ability to save like crazy tax free and earn free money from your employer's match) I started a Roth IRA. I contribute after-tax money every month. Even a small amount adds up. I do this with an online account for free. And I am taking advantage of time and embarking on investing in overseas companies (except Toyota)!
Second, because of sky rocketing (I mean into another atmosphere) cost of health insurance, I got a high deductible health plan with a Health Savings Account. I had to research it, but several banks have separate Health Savings Accounts, like "HSA Bank" or "Bank of America". The account is similar to an IRA. You can deposit or rollover up to $3,000 a year into this tax free savings vehicle. You are not taxed on the deposits. The bank will send you a credit card just for your health care expenses. You can even use it on therapeutic massages, medications, dental, homeopathic remedies and vitamins, as long as it is within your defined plan. If you have out-of-pocket expenses for medical, you can repay yourself from your HSA. Or, you can be healthy, not spend the money and leave it in there to earn interest. Just be sure to watch the bank fee, which is usually a monthly maintenance fee. Maybe you are lucky and your employer offers this as well, if so, take advantage of it.
Third, I rolled over an old 401K I had into a free, no-load mutual fund with Vanguard. http://www.vanguard.com/. They have lots of mutual funds from low to high risk. It is a traditional IRA, so right now I am not making contributions to it since I would end up taxed twice, once before deposit my earnings, and twice when I withdraw the money at retirement. I have put it in a stock index fund that has grown over the years (except when Bush was President). If I roll it over to a Roth IRA, I will have to pay taxes on it, so I might consider eventually rolling it over to a Roth little by little so all of my taxes are paid on it before I retire. Definitely get advise on this before you proceed - yikes!
Fourth, if you have a 401K, figure out how much you need to live on, and try and put the maximum into your 401K, even if your employer doesn't contribute. You are not taxed on the money that goes into your 401K, therefore, you are paying less tax on your gross receipts, saving, and potentially getting free money from your employer. Wow. I know, you can't afford it, BS, give up the lattes, cigarrettes, buying three pairs of shoes every month, 500 channels on satellite (what's wrong with 120?) and lunch out every day, yeah you know who you are?
Fifth, I have a small savings account connected to my checking account. I try to keep a month's salary in there, but that is hard. It never fails that you have taxes to pay, emergencies, car repairs - ugghh, or you just have to have that . . . . . . . If you are tapping into emergency savings for things you "want" as opposed to things you "need" then you should re-think it by 48 hours. You will find that you can live without it for a little while. I also have that savings connected to my checking in case I get overdrawn. There are lots of fees related to overdraws now that the banks are suffering financially. Don't give them any reason to charge you extra.
Sixth, get down to one credit card. I have no annual fee and my interest is fairly low. I do not get points or awards because those are the cards that have a $25 to $75 annual fee. Since I do not spend that much money every month to earn points, it is not worth it. So reevaluate whether all those costs for a credit card with points is worth it.
Seventh, budget. I have tried this over and over, and hope to get it eventually. But if you are willing to attempt it, Microsoft Excel has a great template that will set you up and show you immediately whether you are in the red or not. I am going to utilize Mint from Intuit for free. If you file with TurboTax, it will give you the option to download Mint for free as well. You can also link to it on your "MyYahoo" page and see your budget every day.
Eighth, stash some cash away here and there for something just for you, like vacation. Somewhere that you do not look or think about every day. A shoe you never wear, a bra (like my cuz Debbie), or a sock with holes in it. (I wouldn't stash it in your car, bad idea). That's your play money. Maybe gamble with it, go on a vacation, buy something frivilous, or get some plastic surgery with it. I said "frivilous."
Last, I wanted to share an article from a blog I like to read "Get Rich Slowly." Lots of good articles and thought provoking posts. http://www.getrichslowly.org/blog/2010/03/03/the-problem-with-prognostication-why-you-shouldnt-invest-based-on-expert-predictions/
GOOD LUCK AND WISH ME LUCK!
C
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Talking to the Dead at a Seance
February 1, 2010 was a misty, cold and black night as we drove eastbound farther away from the lights of Dallas to a small rural community. With no street lights, we headed down a farm road bordered by barbed wire fences. We barely saw it, but managed to spot the dirt road we were instructed to take. At the end of the dirt road was a small light in the distance, it was attached to a lone house on a ranch. As we turned into the gate, we noticed lots of cars parked around a circle driveway, but didn't see any people. At the front door, we were greeted by a small blonde woman who was to be our guide for the evening. In a small 11 x 11 living room were two couches filled wtih people, as well as miscellaneous chairs around the room, half filled already. I immediately spotted our friends we were meeting. We did our greetings and took our places into the spirit circle.
We arrived right on time and had no interaction with the guide before the seance started. Everyone briefly introduced themselves and gave one reason for being there. Most were just curious, some seeking a message from a loved one now in spirit, others looking for their spirit guide. All in all, it would have been hard for the guide to know what each and every one of us wanted specifically. The guide turned out all the lights, which then made it hard for her to see us, our facial expressions or our body movements.
Being me, (as my boyfriend describes it "me, with the world revolving around me") I was worried objects would start flying around inside the house as she stood in the middle of the circle and began to summon spirits from the "other side." She ran the gambit, asking for Indians, mother earth, Jesus, Greek gods, to the plants out in the backyard. I envisioned mad vegetables and rabbits with big fangs coming in for the kill. As she circled around the room she called out to one of the ladies on a couch and said there was a big Indian standing behind her and asked if she was native American. She responded yes in a very apprehensive voice. By this point, I couldn't open my eyes for fear there would be a big Indian Chief holding a hatchet! But as the guide continued talking she moved on to the lady next to her, telling her that her deceased son was coming in with some other people and were laughing it up. The dead would show her objects and call out names and from that, she was able to connect the dead with the appropriate people in the room. The guide claimed at one point there were so many spirits in the room with us that it was hard for them to get through her, as she could only speak for one at a time.
She moved around the room the best she could standing mostly in the middle. When she sat down, she would lose her connections, and stand back up to pick up voices again. hmmmmm. At first, I felt like she really was channeling, but then she got kind of bizzare with her guesses telling a woman in the room that she used to be a dinasour in another life, the pretty kind, but got eaten by the mean kind. Yikes! Finally, she kept asking if someone owned a little store, a general store, or small store of some sort. No one responded. She kept saying it over and over, and said it was directed at someone on her left, which is where I was. I responded that maybe my great grandfather owned a small store. I didn't tell it was a candy store that burned down, probably for insurance money or by the mafia. But she dropped it and moved on anyway.
She then was speaking a lot to the family to my left. She was really trying to connect with them, saying there were spirits trying to reach out to them. The guide was being shown a chess piece, so was asking the woman next to me if a family member was named Chester or if a family member played chess. She said no. The guide asked again, she said they are holding up one single chess piece. It was directed to someone on her left. I finally spoke up again and told her that my father was a chess player. The guide asked about the chess piece. I told her that when we buried my father, I threw a single chess piece into the grave on top of the coffin. She said that my father was saying hi and he wanted me to know he was watching me. Was I reaching or was she really connecting with my dad?
Then the guide stated that he was asking about a Dolores. Did I have anyone in my family named Dolores. The answer is yes, it is his cousin, who, from all accounts, was a sister to him, someone I keep up with. I couldn't believe it, that was fairly specific. I wanted to believe it, but was still unsure. That was until the guide asked me if there was a monkey in our family. What??? She asked me again saying that my dad was showing her a monkey. Well, immediately my nephews popped into my head because I call them my "monkeys" . . . they are his grandchildren.
When we got home my boyfriend immediately clued me in to what is referred to as "cold reading." Something I had never heard of. I just thought people like Cleo, the psychic that got in a lot of trouble, were good at guessing. What I learned is there is a skill involved in cold reading. Those that are practiced at it can be very convincing. They stab at something in the dark and once they make a hit they take hold and run with it. I didn't give her much to go on, so I'm not sure whether she was really channeling or guessing and I reached out and grabbed. I had to believe she was channelling because how many people have monkeys and chess pieces floating around?
What do you think??
C
We arrived right on time and had no interaction with the guide before the seance started. Everyone briefly introduced themselves and gave one reason for being there. Most were just curious, some seeking a message from a loved one now in spirit, others looking for their spirit guide. All in all, it would have been hard for the guide to know what each and every one of us wanted specifically. The guide turned out all the lights, which then made it hard for her to see us, our facial expressions or our body movements.
Being me, (as my boyfriend describes it "me, with the world revolving around me") I was worried objects would start flying around inside the house as she stood in the middle of the circle and began to summon spirits from the "other side." She ran the gambit, asking for Indians, mother earth, Jesus, Greek gods, to the plants out in the backyard. I envisioned mad vegetables and rabbits with big fangs coming in for the kill. As she circled around the room she called out to one of the ladies on a couch and said there was a big Indian standing behind her and asked if she was native American. She responded yes in a very apprehensive voice. By this point, I couldn't open my eyes for fear there would be a big Indian Chief holding a hatchet! But as the guide continued talking she moved on to the lady next to her, telling her that her deceased son was coming in with some other people and were laughing it up. The dead would show her objects and call out names and from that, she was able to connect the dead with the appropriate people in the room. The guide claimed at one point there were so many spirits in the room with us that it was hard for them to get through her, as she could only speak for one at a time.
She moved around the room the best she could standing mostly in the middle. When she sat down, she would lose her connections, and stand back up to pick up voices again. hmmmmm. At first, I felt like she really was channeling, but then she got kind of bizzare with her guesses telling a woman in the room that she used to be a dinasour in another life, the pretty kind, but got eaten by the mean kind. Yikes! Finally, she kept asking if someone owned a little store, a general store, or small store of some sort. No one responded. She kept saying it over and over, and said it was directed at someone on her left, which is where I was. I responded that maybe my great grandfather owned a small store. I didn't tell it was a candy store that burned down, probably for insurance money or by the mafia. But she dropped it and moved on anyway.
She then was speaking a lot to the family to my left. She was really trying to connect with them, saying there were spirits trying to reach out to them. The guide was being shown a chess piece, so was asking the woman next to me if a family member was named Chester or if a family member played chess. She said no. The guide asked again, she said they are holding up one single chess piece. It was directed to someone on her left. I finally spoke up again and told her that my father was a chess player. The guide asked about the chess piece. I told her that when we buried my father, I threw a single chess piece into the grave on top of the coffin. She said that my father was saying hi and he wanted me to know he was watching me. Was I reaching or was she really connecting with my dad?
Then the guide stated that he was asking about a Dolores. Did I have anyone in my family named Dolores. The answer is yes, it is his cousin, who, from all accounts, was a sister to him, someone I keep up with. I couldn't believe it, that was fairly specific. I wanted to believe it, but was still unsure. That was until the guide asked me if there was a monkey in our family. What??? She asked me again saying that my dad was showing her a monkey. Well, immediately my nephews popped into my head because I call them my "monkeys" . . . they are his grandchildren.
I'm still not sure what to believe. She tried connecting with others in the room including my boyfriend. She apparently saw a General of some sort standing behind him, but he has never had military men in his life. Maybe the general was lost and snuck into the party. The two gay guys on the couch got visits from their grandmothers, bible thumping parents, and a poodle.
C
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