The Knife Show and 'How to be Great' books

The chaos of the season is over, and everyone can truly relax and slow down the production of cortisol. No more shopping, wrapping, fretting, blowing budgets, eating (sorry), and assembling. Now 'tis the season to relax and reflect, at least for those mere few days between the cleanup of destroyed wrapping paper and the last shot you take on New Year's Eve.

One of the things i like to do in this snippet of mandatory vacation from my employer is to observe, reflect and record. Since I have yet to develop a gadget to be implanted in my head that will record and regurgitate on command, I shall blog. Upon reflection, I often end up with a long list of things about myself that should, must or really really need to be improved.

Incredibly, the knife show had an allure similar to zen teachings that I believe will help me improve in 2010. Things I learned from the knife show:

1. If Tom O'Dell can sell knives, you can do anything!
2. Follow the Zen teaching of no resistance. Just go with the flow and practice acceptance, especially when there is nothing else on television but the knife show.
3. Some knives just do not want to be opened. Like uncooperative people, children or pets . . . just leave them alone.
4. Don't drink and play with knives, they are sharp and you will hurt yourself or others.
5. Last, have fun no matter what you are doing, even while watching the knife show.

Well, I can feel the improvement beginning already. If only I can get past something I saw while Christmas shopping. I came across a couple of books that shocked me. Offending me is not easy, but what I found really got to me. The reason, because what I saw pointed out everything I am not . . . the perfect girl.

What I found sitting on a shelf in a store were two books, side by side, just like a man and woman would walk through life. One was blue and one was pink. The blue book was entitled The Boys' Book of Greatness, Even More Ways to be the Best at Everything. The pink book was entitled The Girls' Book of Glamour, A Guide to Being a Goddess.

There is clearly something wrong with this picture. Why can't girls be great? Why do boys have to be the "best" at everything? Are they also the best at decorating, cooking, being pretty? Probably, since men design clothing, makeup and have crazy cooking shows.

What are we teaching girls? Have the sisters of the bra-burning days taught us nothing? Are we all supposed to be dumb airheads only to be seen by boys as objects? What about the boys that want to actually engage in an intellectual conversation with girls and all of a sudden we have nothing to add?

I'm no Goddess, and never will be, but I feel better now that I have reflected. Of course, my list of improvements just expanded and I don't think the knife show is going to help me.

I do hope everyone has a wonderful new year with much success and happiness.

Carpe Diem!

Another Way to Look at War

College football is not quite over yet, and we are all waiting here in the south to see if UT can do it. But as I surf around and arrange my own professional fantasy football team, I can't help but notice all of the news about the recent actions in the White House. The decision to send 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, the potential decision to move into Pakistan, the recent massacre in Iraq, the trials of terrorists in New York, etc. It all makes me wonder why we do, as a nation, what we do in other countries.

Why do we spend our time, our lives, our money, and sometimes our freedom to help other countries? And can you really say we are helping? I wonder this every day driving to work and listening to to the reports from overseas. Listening to the slaughter of troops from around the world attempting to free a country of tribal struggles. How did this all of a sudden become our problem?

Then I read a story about Angelina Jolie's opinion of President Obama. Apparently he has not lived up to her expectations when it comes to yet another foreign country, Sudan. The death toll is gruesome, and there is not much hope there. I'm not sure what Obama is supposed to do, but whatever it is, he has not done it.

As all of the problems of the world swirl around on the airwaves for every American to see and hear, I again wonder why we are expected to care? And it finally came to me . . . because we can and because we should. Wouldn't America want the same in return if the shoe was on the other foot? I can promise you if I were wearing a sari and breaking rocks on the side of the road all day in 100 degree temps with absolutely no end in site, I would pray for any kind of salvation. Whether it be from a soldier or death, it would be better than breaking rocks with only death to look forward to. This is the bleak outlook of hundreds of thousands of people in different parts of the world.

The world is full of atrocities. And maybe it is not up to America to impose our democratic system and values on every single country, but it is in our best interest to help when asked and where we can. Impossible? Maybe. But there are so many solutions, you just have to keep trying until you get it right. Or at least that is what you do if you are a super power.

It's mind boggling, and what we can hope for is that in our lifetime, we will never need this kind of assistance from another country!

Carpe Diem.

It's College Football Season!!

That means lots of great football, mascots and packed stadiums. I will confess, I never understood the attraction of college football, and certainly never thought I would write about it. I'm starting to get it, sort of. The football is more exciting because the game is faster and there are more big plays. The fans are fanatical just like pro football fans. But college football fans are louder and prouder somehow. Let me describe: No empty seats, a live college band, everyone wearing team colors, and all kinds of things flying in the air including cheerleaders.

I'm still wondering about one thing, what happens to these people after college? Okay, a small percentage of football players go to the pros. Others graduate with useful business degrees and do something with their lives. And the rest end up in jail-just kidding. The fans move on or purchase space to tailgate every week. But what do the male cheerleaders do? Do you ever think about that? They have spent four years throwing girls around, looking up their skirts and screaming into super-sized megaphones.

I couldn't stand it, I had to do some research on male cheerleaders. I had to start with the query of what makes them want to become a cheerleader in the first place? Are they gymnasts or perverts? "The Google machine" and of course my all time favorite "Wiki" gave me the answers I sought.

First, you have to first want to become a college cheerleader before we can find out what happens to them after college. Did they get kicked off the soccer team or something? Second, they have to be athletic and strong because they have to be able to throw girls around and make pyramids. Last, they have to face the stigma and labeling. Other than that, I'm not sure there are a lot of other qualifications.

I found scholarships and coed cheer leading camps for guys. Wow, never knew such a thing existed. More interesting I found a science school blog called "Serendip" that claims cheerleading is a sport. (George, what do you think, sport or not?) We have previously debated as to whether NASCAR is really a sport. And I am reminded that clearly there is a winner and losers in NASCAR. What about cheer leading? If your team wins does that mean you are a better cheerleader? Is the physical demand in cheerleading more intense than NASCAR? I digress.

Since "serendip" is not a word but the name of a college newsletter, and serendipity means "by accident" or "good luck", then I have decided it is by accident that males become cheerleaders in the 21st century. In fact as I sit here, I'm watching the LSU v. Ole Miss game, and their are some guys on the cheer leading squad that look like they should be sitting in a dorm room in a lazy boy with cigarette burns drinking a six pack of Miller High Life and eating Doritos. You might even throw in some Taco Bell at midnight. So I'm finding it hard to believe this is a true athletic sport. I'm throwing it into the NASCAR category of sports that may not really be a sport.

Last, cheerleading was actually created by men. Specifically, it was a pep club started at Princeton in the 1920's by men. But starting a pep club hardly requires athletic prowess.

So what happens to male cheerleaders after college? Maybe they become male singing telegrams or motivational speakers. I have yet to find any information on what happens to a male cheerleader after college. Mystery unsolved and another alleged sport "un-designated" as a real sport.

Carpe Diem!

Reasons my boyfriend will not talk to me

Listen up gals and guys - this is a mini crash course in women are from venus and men are from mars - or whatever the name of that book is.

Some people, not just women, like to talk. Nowadays there is a variety of virtual outlets for people to get it all out. For example, Facebook, Myspace, YouTube and much more. In fact, this subject warrants a separate blog on another day, including appropriate manners while on one of these networking websites. It's more like being in an internet bar 15 minutes before closing time. Everyone's high from instant messaging and wondering who is going to take them home tonight.

However, here, now, tonight while I sit in a swanky hotel in the middle of downtown Chicago, I'm going to provide my very own Top 10 (or 9 or 11) reasons why my boyfriend wants me to stop talking. Maybe we can all learn from this.

No. 10 - He's watching football. It doesn't matter what I say, if it does not include the word "football" I might as well talk to myself.

No. 9 - He's watching baseball. Id.

No. 8 - It's Sunday and football is about to start. Need I say more.

No. 7 - It's 5 minutes until noon on Sunday and he has to set up his fantasy football team (s), and he does not have time to get into a conversation or debate about the latest store at the mall.

No. 6 - He never wants to hear about the mall, no matter what day of the week or what time it is. (Yes, there is more substance to him than just football.)

No. 5 - He's had a long day and is hungry. Oh wait, as long as there is food involved, he will listen.

No. 4 - It's time to go to sleep. Oh wait, he's snoring, guess I can go back to talking to the wall now.

No. 3 - At the gym. When he's lifting something that is 5 times his weight, he definitely does not want to hear about my best friend's melodrama.

No. 2 - When I'm stepping out of the shower. Talking is definitely not going to be on his mind, but no matter what I say, he will think its great.

No. 1 - Did I mention while watching a football or baseball game, or any other sporting event for that matter?!

Just remember, there is always space available for free on the Internet where you can talk all day. You will not be interrupting anyone, blocking a football game on TV, or keeping anyone awake.

Carpe Diem!

Do You Use Sayings? You should read this!

Do you ever notice that we all use sayings to make a point or appear knowledgeable? Do we really know what they mean? Mindlessly, we agree with the saying, and move on.

It all started this morning while I was standing in the kitchen deciding whether to cook breakfast or be lazy and go to Sol's Taco Lounge. EV said, "The world is our oyster." We looked at each other, and he said "What does that really mean?" I thought about it, and my reply was "if the oyster closes, we're screwed!" Isn't there a scary movie, like the Killer Oyster under the Sea . . . or some ridiculous version of that story? What does "the world is your oyster" mean?? Oysters are so small?

I moved on and decided to create my own breakfast. I started by browning Italian sausage, whipping half a dozen eggs, milk and cheese. Then I stuck it all in a pie pan and baked it for 15 minutes on 375. Then I served it with toasted rustic Italian bread. Not sure what to call it but it was delish!!

Then I thought about one of my favorite cooking shows. I found it on the Internet to show EV. The chef is a beautiful, thin Italian woman. Thus, making me think of the saying "never trust a skinny chef." Now who said that? I think that saying should be banned at this point. Maybe skinny chefs don't cook with trans fats? What is Paula Dean gonna' do when they outlaw butter? Holy cow!

"A stitch in time saves nine." This just needs to be reworded. Maybe this works: "Address it now, or you will waste a lot of time later." Okay, it doesn't rhyme, but it makes sense.

"He who has it not in his head must have it in his feet." This was said by Ben Franklin. I actually had to get an explanation of this saying, but many of you reading this are so smart that I'm sure you have it figured out.

Here are some others that are arcane, although we often understand what they mean:
"Stop beating around the bush." What was this person beating? Why didn't they just say, "get to the point."
"Mind your Ps and Qs." What was P and Q doing? Were they on a crime spree?

Then EV made a really good point. For a lot of trite sayings there is a controverting trite saying. for example:
"He who hesitates is lost," but you are supposed to "look before you leap." For the love of God what am I supposed to do?

There are thousands of sayings and proverbs, so I leave you with my favorite saying, "If you break your leg, don't come running to me." It's so very simple but yet funny. If Foghorn Leghorn knew me, he would say, "You're built too low. The fast ones go over your head."

If you have a crazy saying that is unintelligible, let me know and we will blog about it!

Health Care and Halloween

Happy Halloween. The State Fair of Texas is over, so is the Red River Shoot Out between OU and UT, and hopefully all the rain is gone for a few days. I think Houston may have sunk below sea level last week from all the rain. I decided to try and get caught up with national news and I see everyone is still blabbing about the Obama Health Plan. It reminded me of Halloween - includes lots of hidden meaning in a costume or flashy mask and unknown treats.

I am not versed in the Obama plan, I just know that what I have heard so far is not all horrible and gory and includes options. Personally, I pay an outrageous amount of money every month (as do many of your employers) for insurance. The cost I pay is higher than what a very overweight smoking male counterpart would pay. Crazy!

But I'm not bitter, just want to be more educated about the health care issues. For years, I worked in law firms that represented wealthy insurance companies. I have often asked my employers why the government did not put controls on how insurance companies do business. A good example is simply paying your monthly premium, going to the doctor for a cold, and having to pay 80% of your visit any way because the insurance company decided they no longer cover the common cold in your State! Again, a bit of an exaggeration, but I wager a bet that most of us have experienced something similar with our own insurance. Although health care reform may not be the fix of all insurance dilemmas, it sure seems like a good start.

I see some downsides to the plan, as do many Republicans; but I also see some really good options and movement in the right direction. One downside is the potential for no more fault of the health care providers. Not good if you are a medical malpractice lawyer. Score 1 for the elephants. The other downside is the pressure it will put on small businesses, whom I have always been employed by. One more for the elephants. The upside is the ability for millions of people like me to afford decent insurance that will actually pay for something and is not a complete waste of money and time. A healthier America, is a better America, one that works. Score 1 for the Donkeys. I could go on all night, but I need to go polish my nails. I guess we will not know the affects until we give it a try. Kind of like Iraq and Afghanistan.

Okay, that was a low blow. In any event, I include two links with information to make you a more informed American. Hope all is well, and you stay far away from ghouls, ghosts and H1N1. Yikes!

The first link is actually the bullet points of Obama's plan whether you have insurance or you do not. And for those whose companies are cutting back, you should read this, it might affect you later.

http://my.barackobama.com/page/content/hcsignon/?source=OM_LB_google_HC-search_O-search_tc&gclid=CNOG7cjB2Z0CFQ8MDQodHC4_rA

For all the women in your life, and yes, even if you are a guy you should care, here is an interesting article. Check it out, especially if you have ever been denied insurance coverage, including coverage for certain things, like maternity coverage, or you have no insurance coverage.

http://news.yahoo.com/s/usnews/20091021/ts_usnews/whywomenshouldpushforhealthcarereform;_ylt=Au9KS9uzU8vZFoium6gLGXdv24cA;_ylu=X3oDMTNjOHEwbzJnBGFzc2V0A3VzbmV3cy8yMDA5MTAyMS93aHl3b21lbnNob3VsZHB1c2hmb3JoZWFsdGhjYXJlcmVmb3JtBGNwb3MDNgRwb3MDNgRzZWMDeW5fdG9wX3N0b3JpZXMEc2xrA3doeXdvbWVuc2hvdQ--

Is Working as a Paralegal Really that Exciting?

To answer the question, I take pleasure in sharing a short diary of events from last week's Arbitration in South Texas. It took an army of people working long hours seven days a week for many weeks to prepare for a five day arbitration, four of them spent on location near Harlingen. I attended with my boss and an associate attorney, and sent nightly and daily e-mails to the team back in Dallas. Some of the names have been changed. Hope you enjoy it!

Weslaco, Texas - Day 1
Well, I can honestly say I already do not like opposing counsel. I think he was the one who picked the rat hole we are all staying in. Phillip (the associate attorney) and I will surely have pneumonia from the mold and lack of sleep and Peter (the big boss) will have lung cancer (but you already knew that). This hotel is just one very small notch above the isolated moldy bunker I stayed in on the OU campus. Actually, they are about even. My bed actually looks like a salad bowl.

Our luggage and boxes finally arrived. The boxes actually arrived in their own "body bags," from Southwest Airlines. They were disintegrated from getting wet somewhere along the trip! My suitcase had a broken jar in it that I had to dump out and part of it fell on the carpet. When I cleaned the carpet, the white towel turned brown. ewe.

It's now 2 am and I'm trying to download a trial version of Adobe because remote access is slow. But all is well in the Rio Grande Valley. Wish us luck tomorrow. If Peter calls looking for me PLEASE call 911 because I might be dead. I feel like I am in the sequel to "No Country for Old Men!"

(just poking fun at everything and wanted a good laugh)
See ya


Weslaco, TX - Day 2
The opposing party is a big Santa Clause looking gringo with a mullet (a really long one) and a full beard and mustache. I guess they didn't realize the 80's were over in South Texas. Their expert is an older gentleman with a bad pinstriped suit on. He's so tan that his white hair and teeth glow. He looks like Bob Barker from The Price is Right. The second witness, John, is wound tighter than a drum and used to work for Santa Clause. He seems hostile to both parties, can't figure him out. Tomorrow the arbitrator is going to allow him to say whatever he wants. I want to record this. He has a mullet too.

Steve, another one of their witnesses, was a nervous wreck, and after each answer would look to Joe Bob for approval. Interesting interaction. And . . . yes, he has a mullet as well.

Our client, Rolando, is a very reserved Hispanic man. His hair is always perfect, jeans are always pressed, and he is very polite. We have two experts as well, really smart men who are helping us out.

More later.

Later Day 2
Shhhhh, its only 11:20 pm, and I'm actually back in my room. I'm hunkering down with the lights off just in case Peter knocks on my door and wants to work. (Just kidding) At dinner, Peter told Phillip he can do the direct examination of our expert . . . . tomorrow! Phillip probably won't go to bed because he will stay up and prepare all night. He is doing really well!

Joe Bob (the opposing party) still has really pretty hair, I'm wondering how he gets the wings in the front to feather so well. Still need his secret, my hair looks like a Brillo pad. It is really humid here!

Tonight I snuck into the hotel bar to see what kind of action was going on there. There was Big Tom's karaoke (a big Harley lookin' dude singing country), and a couple of lonely women at the bar. Eeeeeekkkk. Then I checked out the hot tub our expert has been raving about. I was worried about a disease, so I opted for the patio next to the pool. The pool actually has a locked fence around it so all I can do is look at it. Unfortunately, the table of people next to me found a tic! So now I'm back in my room wondering what has caused the carpet to be so sticky.

Well, more tomorrow. Good night.


Weslaco, TX - Day 3
Mid day update today. This place is so gross there are mosquitoes in our conference room. The good news is we are going to end this big brew ha ha tomorrow with the last two people to testify as Joe Bob and then Rolando (our reserved, quiet client). Hmmmm.

Chuck (one of our experts who thought he would have time to golf of swim) is exhausted from sitting all day. He said his room stinks badly. I told him there was probably a dead body under his bed.

Ok, back to arbitration. Keep you posted.


Weslaco, TX - Day 4
We are sitting here with Rolando practicing direct examination. Peter thinks we've got our story now. I think I have lung cancer and tics. (If you haven't figured it out, Peter smokes . . . a lot.) Poor Rolando, he is exhausted as well. He actually has a hair out of place! Phillip can't even remember his own name and he has a calculator in his hand.

Too much work to do because I have been working off of one of about 500 versions of Rolando's direct examination, and of course, the wrong one.

Toodles.

STILL in Weslaco, TX - Day 4 (Beginning of Day 5)
It is now 12:15 am. Not sure when we are going to stop. Peter finally took a break after Rolando almost fell asleep. I hope he doesn't go into a diabetic coma on his way home. That would be a major drag after all the work you all have done!

I took five minutes to go change my clothes. I put my pajamas on, but Peter still is not taking the hint. Phillip is outside doing jumping jacks while Peter takes another smoke break. I hope he runs out of cigarettes soon so that I can sneak off to my room and fall asleep while he is making a run to the gas station. Wishful thinking. He just bought two packs after dinner, but I think he is close!

Phillip has also now taken up the habit of chewing ice. Now I have two of them. Maybe one of them will need emergency dental service in the next 15 minutes. More wishful thinking. Okay I'm cracking myself up so I better go.

Wish us luck tomorrow, opposing counsel will probably be going in for the kill.

STILL Day 4 (Beginning of Day 5)
Well it is now 12 minutes after my last e-mail, and I'm still in Peter's hotel room. We have fashioned a conference room table out of spare tables in each of our rooms. He is reading Joe Bob's deposition and highlighting his highlights.

The printer that was provided to us for use prints about 1 page per 5 minutes, on a good day. It stays under the table across the room from the opposing party during the arbitration. I started printing a brief at the beginning of their cross examination of Chuck. They got perturbed and asked me to stop. hee hee, that was fun.

Have I mentioned I have about 100 e-mails from Colleen, Peter's wife and law partner? They are all e-mails about case law and briefing. I'm going to report them as spam.. . .(just kidding).

Got to get back to work, no more pretending.


Weslaco, TX - Day 5
As you all know, we are sitting at the airport. I couldn't get to the bar fast enough. I couldn't sleep from the excitement of packing, I took my suitcase to breakfast with me. Chuck didn't come to breakfast this morning, I think he was exhausted just from sitting all day.

Today was extremely busy. Joe Bob took the stand as usual. He had an orange shirt on to match his red hair. Picture a large man with a very large pressed orange shirt, jeans, small white tennis shoes, and a flowing mullet. It reminds me of a deformed Rubik's cube.

Even better, while Peter was cross-examining Joe Bob, he would scoot his chair closer and closer to Joe Bob. At one point Peter's chair hooked onto the extension cord that had every single piece of peripheral equipment plugged in the room and took it all down. I don't think he had a clue. I thought perhaps he was going to actually share a chair with Joe Bob, but then Joe Bob's lawyers had to ruin all the fun and told Peter to quit touching their client! Party poopers. I think I'm going to miss Joe Bob.

We got moved from our conference room to the "VIP" room on Thursday night. It has wood paneling and a screen. The screen costs extra. Please! By lunch time the court reporter was sick from the cigarette smoke that was coming into the "VIP" room from last night's karaoke festivities. I'm convinced the hotel is reselling our box of bottled water and batteries that came up missing after the first day.

Here's how the rest of the day went. At lunch, Peter headed straight for a table by the pool, highlighter, lighter and cigarettes all in hand. Phillip followed. As they debated hard, I went to Subway with the Court Reporter who is so confused she thought this was an insurance case. Upon my return and while trying to eat a salad, I had to retrieve another highlighter for Peter.

As we are sitting there, our client shows up, sits down and quietly says, "everything is suspended." Peter continues to feverishly circle, box and write on every square inch of paper within 50 feet of him. (better not leave anything that resembles paper around .... shew).

Phillip and I stared at our client as we tried to comprehend what he just said. Rolando repeated it three times before we realized what he meant. the next thing you know him and Santa Clause are hugging. For the love of God, you let your client go to lunch and the next thing you know there is a settlement. Damn, we didn't even get to finish the cross-examination of Joe Bob Santa Clause!

Got to go, Peter is cross-examining me again over yet one more fact I have gotten wrong. See you soon.

C

FANTASY FOOTBALL = CHRISTMAS

Apparently for millions of men around the United States today is Christmas, or at least according to my boyfriend when he announced that yesterday, Saturday, September 12, 2009 was Christmas Eve. I already know that September 1st is the beginning of dove hunting season, and the killing of Bambis all over the US starts sometime in December (I think), so I couldn't figure out what he meant by "Christmas."

To celebrate Christmas with my boyfriend, I endured an entire day of screaming and tribal dancing by my boyfriend as he watched 100 football games at once and managed about 15 fantasy football leagues online. On one side of the couch was my boyfriend, 5 remotes, a laptop computer and his cell phone, which was almost on fire from texting. It was the beginning of football season, and with that comes fantasy football, the mother of all mother fantasy sports games.

Christmas, to a guy, (when it is not really Christmas) is a time when guys everywhere go to their proverbial treehouse to play their secret games. In simple terms for you ladies, "it's a guy thing."
On behalf of ladies around the country, I have attempted to delve into the underground world of fantasy sports, but have not advanced too far. I ask questions, watch football, peek at the computer, and act interested, but rarely do I get a glimpse into the fantasy team play that abounds and clogs up the internet on Christmas day.

I have pondered whether there are fantasy sports leagues designed for and only for women? What would we bet on? Who has the best colors on their uniforms, the cutest butt, the best mascot? I can see the magazine now, Fantasy Sports for Her! It would contain big colorful pictures of team logos next to an add for Activa yogurt. For now, girls are relegated to finding other activities outside of the house on Sundays and Monday nights. I think that is how Bunko was invented.

But today, for Christmas, I sit on one end of the couch with the dogs and the cat, and watch with a blank look on my face waiting for the light bulb to actually turn on. After a full day of watching the constant play between the cell phone, the computer and the television, I still do not get the fascination, but I guess part of it has to do with the fact that girls are not allowed.

I have to go now, I have to make fun of the cheerleaders!


Carpe Diem

TOP 10 MOVIE LIST(S)

Today at work, we celebrated a co-worker's (and friend's) birthday. The law partners (and married couple) decided that we should have breakfast in the conference room. It was quite a spread including white cake decked with whip cream and strawberries, loads of berries, tubs of yogurt and granola. Don't worry, my boss also provided breakfast tacos from Whataburger for those of us who are not on a diet, hunger strike, or vegetarians.

As we were sitting around the table, we were each asked what our favorite movie was. For a lot of us, it's hard to pick just one. In fact, for years now, I have had at least two, if not three, top ten lists of my favorite movies. The movies picked by each person were truly unique to their personality. There were movies about great warriors, romance, westerns, old classics, dark suspense and true life stories. It was across the board. Surprisingly, one person had never seen The Wizard of Oz. I guess that should not be strange, since I have never seen Star Wars or ET.

Some of my favorite books are listed on this blog. It's only fair that we share our favorite movies. Below are my two "top-ten" movie lists. Maybe you have seen some, maybe not. If not and you are interested but afraid, call me and I'll talk you into the craziest or at least, most entertaining movie you have ever seen. They are not all "dark suspense" films which are my favorite. I am a big fan of the Cohen Brothers, and one of the movies not listed, "Burn After Reading" is one of their best! You will not wish for those two hours of your life back, like the time I watched that really stupid movie about Zach and Miri trying to make a porno.

Let me know what your favorites are, I would love to add them to the blog! Susi, I already know yours, "Purple Rain."

Top-Ten A-List:

1. True Romance
2. Usual Suspects
3. Pulp Fiction
4. The Hangover (2009)
5. American Beauty
6. Reservoir Dogs
7. No Country for Old Men
8. Killing Zoe
9. Run Lola Run
10. Jackie Brown
11. A Day Without a Mexican
12. Slumdog Millionaire
13. Burn After Reading

I know it is more than ten, and it may even make it to 20 one day.

Top B-List:

1b. Raising Arizona
2b. Taxi Driver
3b. Glengarry Glen Ross
4b. The God Father (Please, who doesn't love this movie!!)
5b. Girl Interrupted
6b. Erin Brockovich
7b. There’s Something About Mary
8b. Schindler’s List
9b. Blood Simple
10b. U-Turn
11b. Kill Bill
12b. Pieces of April
13b. 11:14

I even have a reserve list with some great movies on it. So if you are looking for something different let me know. There are so many good ones and so little time!!

Carpe Diem

IS IT REVENGE OF THE WIERDOS?

Lately, all I have been motivated to do is trim bushes and clean out closets. This weeks series of weird incidents has awakened my creative juices. Sure, the big fat Italian wedding in San Antonio was fun despite the 100 degree weather, and I could spend time writing about politics; but nothing beats the fact that Ryan O'Neal still didn't get around to exchanging vows with Farrah Fawcett before her long struggle with cancer finally ended. Maybe his little visit to jail for DWI a couple of months ago deterred him. Nice move.

Not only was Farrah duped out of a wish to marry her long time on again off again lover and father of her child(ren), she was also shoved right out of the limelight by the biggest weirdo of them all, Michael Jackson. Yes, he is king of the weirdos, but he is also the king of pop iconville. Red leather jackets, silver gloves, Pepsi commercials, Thriller and moon walking. And, in a weird way, so many people connected with his music at various times in their lives. It helped provide me with an outlet during a bad time, giving me something to talk to about with my Dad of all people. He made a splash on MTV and actually gave people insight in the making of music videos. In fact, there is an entire prison population in the Philippines that re-created the Thriller video (as well as thousands of other people around the World).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hMnk7lh9M3o
Yes, a weirdo, and yes he stole the limelight from Farrah, but he is the King of Pop. Anybody want to go to Neverland?

And poor Ed McMahon. The saddest part about his death is that he was forced to do infomercials to earn a living. I would want to die too. (just kidding).

Speaking of infomercials, the king of infomercials, the God of pitchmen, the OxiClean mega mogul, Billy Mays died suddenly and unexpectedly. When my boyfriend told me that Mays was a passenger on a US Air flight which, the day before, had experienced a blowout upon landing, I immediately thought that he likely hit his head. We shall see.

I'm glad the week is over, and I'm sure a lot of other people living in Hollywood are too! I promise, my next blog will be a bit more upbeat.

Carpe Diem!

A Big Fat Italian Wedding

Well, it's time for another wedding. No . . . not mine . . . but my niece. It's going to be fun. The wedding is taking place in San Antonio at the beginning of the sweltering Texas summer. In fact, the further south of the Red River you go, the hotter it is. You don't have to worry about your brain melting either, because you have to worry about your entire body melting. To put it a little simpler, Dallas is about 400 miles north of San Antonio. It will be about 98 degrees every day this week in Dallas. In San Antonio, it will probably be a few degrees hotter plus 90% humidity. So as you are feeling your brain melt, you have to keep peeling your pants off of your sweaty thighs.

At least there are sights to see in San Antonio. Unfortunately, most of them are outdoors, like Sea World, The Alamo (parts of which are inside), and the River Walk. To bad we can't all take a dip with Orca. That might turn out well.

The great news is the wedding is indoors. And I believe there is actually a mall built around the church. This is going to be great. An hour long mass, wine and shopping. What more can a Catholic ask for. How could I possibly forget. We still need a kickin' reception with lots of food, more wine, and dance trains. Yes! My feet are killing me already.

Let's not forget the guest lineup, we have a 98 year old grandmother from Florida, a crazy cousin and Aunt from New York, and neighbors straight from the motherland, Italy. I'm wondering who is going to trip and fall first. Hopefully not me.

I'll post pictures.

TV Commercials

It's 10:00 p.m. and according to my new diet book, I shouldn't be drinking alcohol or watching television before bedtime.  Instead, I'm having a glass of wine, sitting on the floor in front of my laptop, and watching bad WE TV.  (The Women's Network Television.)  Tonight's feature is Thelma & Louise.  I can hear all the men gasping as they read this.  But this is not about Thelma & Louise or retribution by women.  It's about the myriad of painful and lengthy television commercials they show while they cut out pieces of the movie.  And for those smart asses with a solution, NO, I don't have a DVR, so I am one of the few that sits through tons of horrid commercials because if I am watching WE TV on the floor with a glass of wine, I am entirely too lazy to get up or change the channel.

In fifteen minutes I am told about how to control my period, fix my wrinkles, where to buy the best ink for my printer, how to get rid of more wrinkles, where I should meet the mate of my life, what to do if I have athlete's foot, heartburn or arthritis, and where to shop for clothing and shoes. Oh let's not forget that I should eat fake butter that tastes like plastic as opposed to maybe eating real butter and just limiting it. Oh I also need to learn to do laundry more efficiently, and as if I didn't have enough to do, I can log on to WE TV and sign up for lots of free shit.

Of course, despite the fact that I had moved on from productivity on my laptop, I still could not stop watching Thelma & Louise, so I hung on and endured more bad television commercials. With that comes more info on how to save myself from my fat self by not eating any more, and then, if and when I decide to binge eat, which hot dogs are the best.  Those are "Hebrew National" hot dogs.  I didn't know Hebrews even ate hot dogs!  I'm so confused I don't know whether to starve myself to skinny or eat an entire package of all natural hot dogs with no beef fillers.

By the end of the movie, I have now made a list of several things I need to do.  I need to call everyone I know and tell them I love them, get my prescription glasses updated, brush my teeth, color my hair, purchase wrinkle cream from three different manufacturers, buy tanning lotion, comfortable tampons, and to get my employees everything they need like a color printer, insurance, a new chair, a Dell computer, and an F*n happy face for their desk!

Now that my list is three pages, I am entirely stressed out and definitely in no shape to fall asleep.  I need to get wart medicine just in case any way!

My all time favorite Quote!

"She's a world-class racehorse.  She's not going out for Cosmopolitans in four Jimmy Choos."  Jason Gay for The Wall Street Journal.

Great Sports? and Gandhi

The Sports section of The Wall Street Journal (that's an oxymoron!) highlights a fantastically written article about three spotlight-hogging athletes:  Kobe Bryant, Alex Rodriguez and Calvin Borel??  More than likely, you have heard of at least two, but if not, here's a reminder:

Kobe Bryant, L.A. Laker NBA star, whose career was almost derailed by a sexual assault allegation (surprise); A. Rod, a famous NY Yankee ball player earning $275 Mil a year (that's in Millions) former Texas Ranger, boo hiss; and Calvin Borel, the Cajun horse jockey who has now won two of the three most famous and watched horse races every year, on two different horses.  

The crux of the story highlights the success of Calvin Borel, a 42-year old daredevil.  In humorous fashion, Jason Gay, the writer provides a look into crazed Americans who all of a  sudden have noticed and swoon over Calvin.  He states that Calvin could probably get Simon Cowell to remove his muscle shirt if Calvin merely stepped on stage and sang "Superfreak."   Race analysts and Americans also made a big deal about the "filly" he rode to the finish. Everybody treated her as if it was Princess Di on her wedding day.  She is beautiful, but reel it back in everyone.  As Gay put it, "She's a world-class racehorse.  She's not going out for Cosmopolitans in four Jimmy Choos."  That is now my favorite quote!

What I really want to know though, is why did he switch horses??  But then again, are we still wondering why A. Rod left Texas for the Yankees?

Now for Gandhi, that's Sonia Gandhi I'm referring to.  She is an Italian-born 62-year old woman of high intelligence who has a "shaky command of Hindi," according to The New York Times.  To some, she is a modern day political genius who has managed to stay out of the limelight until now.  You could equate Sonia to Karl Rove, the guy who has been described as "W"'s puppeteer.  But I wouldn't want to do that since "W" was not the brightest star in the sky in terms of Presidents.  Sonia is the President of India's Congress Party headquartered in New Delhi.  

And why should we care way over here in the far West (or East depending on what side of India you are looking from)?  Remember that these are the people we talk to when we have failed miserably at getting our Internet connected or forgot to pay the electric bill.  It is people like Sonia Gandhi, her husband, who was assassinated, her father-in-law, and now her son, who have been successful in making India a better place.  We need India and India needs America.  We need countries with a population of 1.13 billion (soon to surpass China) that is full of bright colors, curry, techies and people that will make our Jimmy Choos.  (Hee hee, just a joke folks.) Specifically, we should care about the people Sonia Gandhi gets elected since it loosens the control of the communist parties in India, and creates a country we can be friends with. 

Below is a link to the The New York Times article about the success in India's recent election.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/18/world/asia/18india.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&exprod=myyahoo

(You may have to cut and paste the URL above.)

And just a quick note, "Jimmy Choo" is a designer of outrageously expensive shoes that only the Filly that won the Preakness can afford! 

Last, for fun, check out the link to the most famous oxymorons added to my website links.  

Cynthia

My "You Have Got to be Kidding" Post

I started this blog for many reasons, but improving my writing skills was not one of them. In order to continue to annoy my blogsters, it became necessary to pay attention to my writing, and alas my blog has morphed into one long writing class. To help improve, I have to take time out to read . . . a lot! In reading, I try to be open-minded and sample a little bit of everything. Some of these samples are not very tasty. These include tacky mudslinging articles, any article about celebrities, and the beginning of the longest novel ever . . . Don Quixote. By page 85 I was experimenting with self-mutilation through paper cuts. That's a just a joke.

Today, I just happen to read the newspaper where the stories seemed to be more annoying than usual. And like most people, there are days where I just can't believe what is happening in the world. And, like most intelligent people, we have views and opinions about life in general. That is not to say we tell each other how we should live, but there are times when we want to! Since we all have those days where we are taken aback by stupid people and weird world events, I offer you an opportunity to let it all out without retribution. Here are a few topics that I was unfortunate to read about, especially when it came at me as a full-page newspaper ad.

1. Bristol Palin - Abstinence Spokesperson -- Really??? Her ex-boyfriend was quoted on Good Morning America saying something like "it will never work." I think he is right. There are pros and cons about the situation. On one hand, there is now an 18 year old beautiful girl telling other teen girls that having a baby is not easy! On the other hand, you have an 18 year old beautiful girl being carted around the country by her daddy and corporate sponsors to preach about abstinence . . . after the fact. Basically, do something stupid and become famous! Any comments?

2. David Feherty - CBS Sports golf analyst made an unfunny. He is known in the sports world for his quick wit, I guess. But apparently he recently wrote an unfortunate passage in a D Magazine article that drew the ire of U.S. House Speaker Nancy Pelosi and Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid. I delete extraneous information in my quote:

" . . . if you gave any U.S. soldier a gun with two bullets in it, and he found himself in an elevator with Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Osama bin Laden, there's a good chance that Nancy would get shot twice, and Harry and bin Laden would be strangled to death."

Apparently nobody laughed at this but me, even though I am a fan of Nancy Pelosi. Mr. Feherty has been a huge supporter of the troops, even visiting them on Thanksgiving in Iraq more than once. He has apologized for his comment. Did we lose our sense of humor in the 21st century? What is your thought?

3. Lobbyists, Lawyers and Detail Men - The lobby group seems to be taking a beating more than usual lately. Everyone thinks they are evil, and maybe they are a nose ahead of lawyers in the race to hell. However, I like to compare lobbyists to detail men. Detail men are the people that sell pharmaceuticals to doctors. They are the really attractive men and women that come into the doctor's office with plates of cookies and rolling bags full of drugs while you sit in the waiting room watching the clock. I am not a cheerleader for big pharmaceutical companies, but without these people, the doctor would have no idea what the new drugs do and how they can help (whether they are good or not). So, in some respects, they are a necessary evil. You don't want eye drops if you have hemmorhoids! Lobbyists have a similar utility. They are necessary because there is no way hundreds of legislators can possibly understand the purpose and consequences of thousands of bills. And with respect to lawyers, there is no way many of us would blaze our way through the judicial system without them. Questions, comments?

4. Last - The Easter Bunny - real or fake? I'm a devout believer, even though I did not get a big chocolate bunny this year. Maybe I doubted one too many times? How about you? Don't be an Easter Bunny hater.

Now, it's your turn. Can't wait to read your comments. Just click on the envelope at the end of the article and you can leave your comment anonymously. Let it all out!

The Guy-Friendly Wooden Indian

What's so great about having my very own blog is I can change it up any time I want to, just like my hair, clothes, furniture layout . . .. And in an effort to always keep things interesting, change is important. This principle applies to any area of life. And, I would not have this blog if it were not for the excruciatingly slow moments in my life that I should be thankful for. I'm more thankful about the ability to change my underwear when I want. (Inside joke that only my mother would get).

Other than the internet, three newspapers, and some cheesy wall hangings, there is nothing interesting in my office. But for some reason when a man walks in the door, they find this office extremely interesting. They look at me, and then their eyes are immediately diverted to the corner of the room. Their faces light up and they stand up taller with a gaping mouth. Once their brains begin to register again, they exclaim, "Wow, that is cool!" And Vinny, don't deny it, you did the exact same thing. No, it's not a picture of a centerfold.

What makes all the men giddy when they visit is a very old, cracked, dried out Wooden Indian. (See picture below). I have yet to figure out the attraction. Women see him as a big waste of space, including me since my desk is right next him. He has not started talking to me yet, so I see no need for him to hang around.

Therefore, in an effort to make the day more lively, I offer to sell him every time a man comments on the great Wooden Indian in the office. I have been told that this would be a grave mistake and its owner does not want to part from him. I figured if the price is right, he won't mind. There was a delivery guy that actually considered the sale. I couldn't believe it. Now, each time I attempt to sell him the price goes up. It's well over $5,000. Recently, I took a peek at eBay's offerings of wooden indians. There were only two that measured up. He is about 7' tall you know. They were priced from $1,800 to $2,400. The Wooden Indian that peers over me all day is much nicer looking too.

I can't wait for the day that the owner walks in as the Wooden Indian is being wheeled off on a dollie as I enjoy the zeros written on a big fat check. Maybe then we can actually get a scanner for the office. Any takers?

Betting Online . . . Illegal or Not??

Picture lots of beautiful women; some in slinky dresses and high heels, others covered in mud; all dawning large gaudy hats of every color, make and model. No, it's not a high-tone mud-wrestling match, it is of course, the Kentucky Derby's "Run for the Roses." Everything is there from the Millionaire's circle where the highly dressed women are draped in jewels and the mud covered women are having a blast sucking down Kentucky Whiskey in the infield.
After several mint juleps, placing your wagers based on colors of silks, and a good mud slinging competition, participants will watch the most exciting 2 minutes in sports history.



For those of us who do not own a purple silk tie, spats or a baby blue 18" brimmed hat with netting, we can still join in on the fun and place our bets. Yup, here's how and why.
1. Obtain a large HD plasma or LCD television
2. Make sure you have cable or dish
3. Log onto the Kentucky Derby website and place your bet!
http://www.kentuckyderby.com/2009/



According to the United States Code and the FBI's Website, betting online is illegal, UNLESS, and even though your state may not allow gambling, there is a carved out exception. For example, in Texas, gambling is illegal. In the United States, Internet gambling is illegal, highly illegal. BUT, Texas has an exception carved out specifically for horse racing. So does the United States.


Title 15, Chapter 57-Interstate Horseracing, Section 3001 et. seq. of the United States Code, allows wagering on horse racing in person or electronically. However, make sure your State allows pari mutuel wagers on horse racing as well. Both states, where the bet is placed and where the horse race is held, must allow wagering on horse racing.


So what if you are a fantasy league player??? In the words of Ryan Sechrest on American Idol . . . . YOU'RE SAFE! Or are you? According to the FBI's website on Internet Crimes, fantasy sports teams are legal, but I would defer to state law before you sign up for that fantasy league! Even better, check with your friendly neighborhood criminal defense lawyer before placing any wagers online!


Next week I'll give you my pick for the Derby win, the beginning of the triple crown; and an update of what the Supremes are up to in the form of a horse race! (I'm not talking about the singing group either).


Carpe Diem!

Random Stuff about sports, me and rock stars

First, I want to announce that I now have an official follower on my blog!  As Bon Scott of AC/DC once said, "Thank you, thank you, thank you." (Say it in a drunken Australian accent.)

Next, I wanted to address my sports picks from my previous blog.  Let's just say that I was smart not to bet real money.   

1.   Duke is out of the final four.  Oh well, I only picked them because "Duke" is a cool name.   

2.  My tennis team, "The Gall" couldn't even beat a team from a home owner's association, oh wait, that was the only team we beat.  But my partner and I created quite a stir on the court.  (My "doubles" partner.  Get your mind out of the gutter.) With gale force winds and temperatures below freezing, we took our final set to a tie break. Everyone was at the fence watching.  It was a nail biter with lots of screeching and hollering.  But we ultimately succumbed to defeat.  (Bad team photo on my Facebook page.) 

3.  After NASCAR, I think I will stick to something I know, horse racing.  The Kentucky Derby! 

4.  Sorry golf fans, I just can't hang.

And now for something completely different:

If that saying rings a bell and you are a Monty Python fan to the nth degree, check out http://pythonline.com.  It's great.  They even have a link to the Ministry of Silly Walks!  

For More Interesting Random Stuff:

I have now become a campaign manager for someone running for city council of a small town.  Fortunately, she has no opponent.  Sheeeewwwww.

More interesting, Everett Newton, the Rock and Roll Attorney, and his band, Little Morphine Annie have now been selected to provide sound track music for a horror film.   There will be a screening with the band to play a 20 minute set at the Studio Movie Grill in Addison, TX on June 18th at 7:00 pm.  It will be horrific!!!!

Last, if you are looking for some trigger words for 2009, here you go:  

Transparency (who are you kidding??)

Anti-Terror (uhhh?  Couldn't we just use the word "nice?")

Conficker  (If you know what this means, that may not be good)

Carpe Diem!

FINAL FOUR, 8 GAME PRO SETS AND NASCAR

Although none of these things really sound that fun to me, they bring lots and lots of excitement for many, in fact millions!  Even though I may not be as elated, I do feel the charge of energy from sports.  Because of that, I bring you my predictions!  

FIRST:

For the first time ever in my life, I am going to pick my prediction for the Final Four.   This is a result of too many hours on the gym treadmill watching ESPN with no sound.  Please forgive my lack of lingo knowledge.  Here it goes:

Midwest: Michigan State

West: Missouri

East: Duke

South: North Carolina (this being my long shot)

To win it all:    . . . . . .  . DUKE!

SECOND:

8 Game Pro Set describes the tennis matches I will be playing on Saturday (not exciting to millions).  I have no prediction whatsoever since this is the first time my teammates and I will play a tournament.  It is a ladies only doubles match up between three teams.  Unfortunately, we do not have matching outfits, but I think we will do well.  Our team name is "The Gall," coming from our coach, so we don't have a clue what it means.  We also are not familiar with a 7 point Coman tiebreak that we apparently have to play.  Weeeeee.  I predict we are scruffy enough to come out on top, or at least in the middle!

THIRD:

NASCAR!  As I have written in the past, this is the number 1 spectator sport in America. Although NASCAR officials are whining about cash flow, they are still filling up the stands.  I doubt that April 5th at the Texas Motor Speedway will be any different.  I know my brothers will be contributing to the economic success of NASCAR.  The one and only time I attended this race with my family, it poured like cats and dogs.  The only car I saw on the track was a pace car going 20 mph to confirm it was raining.  So, not having a lot of knowledge about NASCAR, here is my prediction:

CARL EDWARDS will win it all. 

*These predictions are solely based on guessing.  

Keep in touch and let me know what YOU think sports fans!

Osama Bin Laden v. Paris Hilton!

Maybe someone has written about this already, but not me! This is one of those crazy thoughts I had while showering, except this time I happen to remember it a second time. In an effort to actually get my thoughts to my computer, I risked falling asleep in my bra without flossing my teeth.

Despite my bra and not flossing, I couldn't stop searching for that perfect word that describes Osama Bin Laden AND Paris Hilton. What word do you think of? "Egotistical?" How about "narcissistic?" I like the second word best. From http://www.dictionary.com/, I can now define the word, then I can connect it.

nar·cis·sism (när'sĭ-sĭz'əm) n.
1. Excessive love or admiration of oneself. See Synonyms at conceit.
2. A psychological condition characterized by self-preoccupation, lack of empathy, and unconscious deficits in self-esteem.
3. Erotic pleasure derived from contemplation or admiration of one's own body or self, especially as a fixation on or a regression to an infantile stage of development.

Who else would film themselves having sex, and stare at the camera the entire time. No, not your Jewish cousin, but Paris Hilton. (See 1 and 3 above.) Of course, who would film themselves in a cave claiming their the leader of Al Queda while the majority of the world desires his head on a platter. (See 2 above.)

The problem is that as a society too many people live vicariously through someone else's life. Sadly, some people live to read People magazine for their fill of Paris Hilton while others watch CNN endlessly feeding the need to know what rock Osama is living under. This feeds narcissism. What we really need to feed Paris and Osama is a cheese burger! (This fine tidbit of wisdom comes from a good friend, JT, and she is so right).

Because of being in the spot light in so many different ways, Paris and Osama strive to be elusive. They avoid the papparazzi and the military of various countries respectively. But for many Americans living vicariously, they are like a train wreck you can't stop watching. Thus once again, we fuel the fire of narcissism exhibited by two people that couldn't provide a more devestating impression to our future generations. (Train wreck analogy given by JT, again, thank you!)

Admit it, we all want them to go away, one way or another, but then we would actually have to live our own lives. What a shame.

Funny Career Stuff . . .

Well, it was a nice couple of weeks off from blogging.  I needed to catch up on my favorite blogs, and practice my writing skills, (in between work, happy hour, and my first tennis match!) 

I also wanted to take a stab at discussing careers.  Although I have had a successful career, I'm hardly qualified to give career advice.  Of course, I can blast my charm onto your resume, brainstorm about jobs I'm not qualified for, or tell you to join a trade association.  Those things are easy.  Anything beyond that is strictly from experience.   

Since my experience is from working in a small bubble inside a little larger bubble, I thought I would pass on a general idea that might, well, even turn out to be something quite fun for you to ponder.  When I decided to make a career change, I listed qualities I possessed from my past career that would be useful for my new career.  My list morphed into silliness in the form of stories.  Not fiction, but stories of insane assignments handed down by borderline insane lawyers.   So, along with my jejune career advice, here is a snippet of a story I ended up with. Not quality content for a resume or interview.  Aside from offering absolutely no assistance to anyone in the way of career advice, I hope it at least causes a smile, laugh, and thoughts of your own crazy experiences.

"Playing Cards in an Oil Field"

Oklahoma is always a fun place to visit, especially if you are going to the horse races, a rattlesnake hunt, or visiting oil fields?  Most of my time spend in Oklahoma was in my car driving up Highway 75 to the Indian Nation Turnpike where I liked to open up all four cylinders on the only stretch of 80 mph road I have ever visited in the US.  I was usually headed to Tulsa.  If you could make it to the Turnpike without getting a ticket, than the trip was a success.  I took this trip every few months for years after my parents took up residency in Tulsa.  I even made this trip in an old car with a broken speedometer for several years avoiding all police.  Unfortunately, after I bought a new black sports car I was not so lucky.  Over the next 15 years, my siblings and I would map out the hotspots and compare speeding tickets.

But I have fond memories of Oklahoma, like winning money at the races, watching my best friend get married outdoors between two barns in a cathedral wedding gown, and eating fried rattlesnake.  Tastes like chicken!  Not far behind all of those exciting experiences was a project I worked on for one of my employers.  I do not remember the exact purpose of the document search, but I was sent out to an oilfield somewhere in Oklahoma to comb through thousands of greasy, nasty carbon copies of invoices related to oil well management.  Oh, did I mention the mean girls sent me out there?

I dutifully traveled to OK and found the oilfield and the building.  The office was a small building that could serve many purposes, including stabling farm animals, and was literally in the middle of an oilfield.  In the building was a small office housing some old filing cabinets stuffed full of papers.  And again, I don't remember what I was looking for at the time, but you could picture a young suburban girl digging through files of old carbon invoices that were originally filed by a roughneck who just finished a 12-hour shift on a derek.  

The office was hot, dirty, and clearly no cleaning service had stepped into this building in a very long time.  As the invitee, I was very gracious for the space I was given.  I was not hounded nor was I helped.  I was certain there was a snickering attorney back in Dallas that was proud of him or herself for making our firm perform this horribly filthy search in 100-degree weather in the middle of an oilfield in Oklahoma!

By lunchtime, I was about sick of digging through carbons.  My hands were black, I was hot and I was hungry.  I was also not the only one experiencing these same symptoms, the oilfield workers were greasier, hotter and hungrier.  The small office I was working in doubled as a quaint kitchen that had never seen a cleaning product.  It contained a sink (somewhere in there), an abused microwave, an even older and more abused coffee  maker, a Formica table from the 60's, and a very greasy deck of cards.

As each worker came in for lunch, they sat down at the table.  Mysteriously there was no food, only cold drinks.  I was puzzled and wondered who the hell was using the microwave?  Why are they not hungry?  What is wrong with me, I'm starving?  The answer to my first and second question was they were all jacked up on caffeine from the bad coffee maker and coke machine in the barn.  The rest made sense with one simple word - poker.  A good poker game was far more interesting than eating.

What I observed was four guys sitting around the Formica table, grabbing poker chips and dealing a very greasy deck of cards.  As they are dealing and placing bets, I hear "Do you want to join us?"  I look over my shoulder, than over at them stunned.  Did they really want me to bust into their lunchtime poker game?  Seriously?  Why not, so I accepted the offer and took my seat in the metal chair with the stuffing hanging out.  (It was the only chair with a cushion).  

I will admit I was a little nervous because my poker skills did not advance past camping around the living room with my brothers and parents playing black jack out of desperation for entertainment.  It never got more serious than a nickel bet.  When it was my turn to deal at the oilfield, the deck was so greasy that I could barely shuffle the cards.  I wanted to make sure I shuffled them well because I would have hated to be accused of cheating.  By the end of several hands, my fingers were sticking together.

After 30 minutes of playing cards, shooting the bull, and laughing, the workers laid down their cards, graciously thanked me for joining them, wished me well, and disappeared back into the oilfield.  They were some of the nicest guys I ever met.  The joke was on the fools who sent me on this task.  

When I arrived back in Dallas, I immediately went to the store and bought a deck of cards.  Not just any deck either.  I bought my new acquaintances a deck of cards with pictures of the Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders pictured on them and mailed the cards the next day.  A few days later, a lawyer called to tell us how much the workers loved their new deck of cards!  Who knows, maybe they are still using those same cards today?   Eeeewww.

Things you Never Think About

It is important to let go of all thought and be still on a regular basis.  I am not talking about zoning out and staring at your new plasma, but purposely NOT thinking about anything.  I will admit, this takes a lot of practice.  But if you are one of those people who can't stop thinking and shut your head off, not even for a moment, maybe you need something new to think about.  This week's blog features crazy contests, obtrusive people, weird politicians, and strange vocabulary words for your repatuer.

1.  Weird Politicians (other than former Il. Gov. Blagojevich)

If you are skeptical or interested in how Obama's proposed $800 billion stimulus package is going to be spent, you can track it (if it is approved) at www.recovery.org.  Even though there is no approval for this package yet, there is already a website!  Got to love the enthusiasm.  If you are interested in what Obama is up to, you can watch a weekly address by video at www.whitehouse.gov.  As soon as you hit the enter key, you can't avoid it!  Here you will also find blogs, not that you can leave a comment, but blogs nonetheless.

Last, if you venture into whitehouse.gov, be sure to check out the OPL-IGA page (Office of Public Liaison and Intergovernmental Affairs) and leave a comment.  Yes, that's right, you can be part of the policy process by leaving a vague or detailed comment about current or pending policy.  This is the government's attempt to get Americans involved in the process or to give the Secret Service a bigger database, not sure which one.  Although it is not interactive, there is a promise that the web page will grow.

2.  Crazy Contests.

Enter a writing competition. Did you ever hear of the Universal Postal Union? They actually have a writing competition. I wish the theme was something like "What is the meaning of 'going postal' and explain why?" Hee hee.

Reader's Digest has a writing competition as well. You could be the lucky winner of $100 worth of Reader's Digest books while you pay your entry fee so they can disseminate your story all over the world for free!  Can't wait to get screwed.

3.  Obtrusive People

Maybe you know someone who is or maybe it is loud and forceful, or maybe it is you.    Last week I apparently was obtrusive as I was performing a task that really requires no skill or thought, but happen to cross paths with someone who finds everyone obtrusive.  It has made me acutely aware of the small space we all work in together.  Now I am working hard to walk around very quietly, not share my personal conversations in any way in the office, and to be more aware of my actions.  How do you affect people around you?  

In an effort to still be pleasant, interact with humans, and basically fulfill my word quota every day, I am blogging more.  This has helped a lot!

4.  Strange Vocabulary

Think of some words you like or enjoy saying, but don't know what they mean or how to use them.  My words today are "epiphany" "abominable" "fervent" and "nomenclature."  So many words so little time.

Have a great week pondering!

Cynthia

The Importance of History and the Cycles of Life!

I am writing this post on a National holiday, Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.  Although MLK, Jr. was a co-founder of the Southern Christian Leadership Conference in 1957, he became the front man.  Whatever the reason for his being pushed to the front, it provided us with a holiday.  So if you work for a bank or a court, congratulations, you got a day off.  I actually got a half day off.  I'm wondering what Columbus Day holds for me?  

All joking aside, we are on the eve of the inauguration of President-Elect Obama, one of the most historic times of our lives.  My brothers and I were all born in the 60's.  I was smack dab in the middle, 1965.  MLK had already marched in Washington D.C.; Kennedy had been slain; and I was entirely to young to understand the consequences that were to come from the Vietnam war.  So this event here and now rises to the level that no other event in my life can reach. 

Interestingly, many of you reading this blog are in my shoes as well.  Some a little bit older, some a little bit younger.  Maybe you were too young to understand why we fought in World War II or why Desert Storm was necessary (or not).  But I will wager a bet that you have a more lucid understanding of those historical events and the history that surrounds your life now.  And, as we age and live, patterns start to appear.

Why is this important?  Aside from lying about the house in your pajamas at noon on a national holiday playing Wii or watching A Family Guy marathon, we are making and recording history.  You may not think you are part of it, but if you are alive and breathing, you are definitely part of history.  I cannot thank Obama enough for indirectly providing me with material for my blog.  Nor can I thank MLK enough for giving me time off of work to relax and lounge in my underwear.  

As you unconsciously slide your slippers on the carpet and shock the crap out of yourself on the toaster at 2 pm during an episode of Dr. Phil, take a moment to envision what is going on around you.  Now realize that everything you do influences someone else, like your children, friends or co-workers.  Your resulting influence is carried away to influence others.  It creates history and the cycle of life.  

My grandmother will be 98 years old in May.  Her eyes have seen a lot, including 6 wars, the automobile revolution, the making of the airline industry, and of course historical events which are too numerous to mention here.  She recorded all of her travels around the world, and in doing so recorded history.  She does not store them on a computer and she shares them with everyone.  She taught me a lesson without uttering a word.  Go out, enjoy the world, record history and share.

Peace.

 

Crosswalks Have a Purpose!

As they would say on Monty Python's Flying Circus  . . . "Now for something completely different."  This article is not entirely about crosswalks, it's more about  . . . well, I'm not sure what it is about, maybe awareness.  But crosswalks really do have a purpose.  

When people cross the street without using a crosswalk, it can be irksome.  Why should you and I care? Because if a pedestrian gets hit by a driver, it costs time and money for everyone.  It's not as simple as you would think, the driver being responsible and the insurance company handling up on it.  You see, in May while I was out jogging, I utilized a crosswalk. I clearly had a walk symbol and traffic was at a complete stop.  All was fine except when some guy in a rush to get to the burbs decided to make a right turn on red while I was in the crosswalk. Fortunately, he did not completely run me over. And I do mean fortunately, because he was driving an SUV the size of a mini tanker. 

So did he get in trouble? No.  The guy was somewhat of a bully.  He did not render aid nor offer.  After I finally peeled myself off the roadway, and insisted that I needed to get checked out by medical personnel, he finally gave me his contact information.  After pulling those teeth while in a daze and probably shock, I just decided to let go and walk home.  I was tired of fighting.  Sad, that even though, according to the old driver's handbook, I was following all required duties of a pedestrian, that I still could not get any respect.   

$6,000 later, here I am.  I decided to allow things to just happen, and let it run its course through the proper channels.  I was not interested in suing, dealing with more lawyers (the driver is a lawyer), or getting my deposition taken.  It is just too small of a matter for a lawyer to take on because of expenses.  When it is all said and done, neither of us will end up on the plus side.  Only the insurance companies and the medical companies will be compensated, but very little will be left for time lost healing or dealing.

Which brings me to my other point, besides the importance of paying attention when driving near crosswalks, pay attention to who you vote for. How will their legislative record affect your life?  I know, I know . . . you don't have time to worry about that, nor do you care.  In fact, maybe you didn't even vote or you are just worried about the big picture and only vote in Presidential election years.  Consider this, your time is valuable.  If you have the right people working in Congress for you, then your time becomes even more valuable and not wasted.  Remember how I mentioned that hitting a pedestrian (just one small example) costs money?  That is money taken from your pocket, and not so much in my case, as in bigger matters.  For instance, what if the pedestrian is indigent?  I fortunately have the means to pay my medical bills and insurance premiums, but an indigent person does not.  So, we all pay later through taxes and higher premiums.

As the US Congress and many state legislatures start cranking up for the year, keep this in mind how you want to live your life.  For instance, what will affect your time, your bottom line, your happiness?  Is it how insurance companies handle claims, or pedestrian laws?  Maybe it's franchise taxes, and bank rates.  Maybe it is even as simple as living in freedom.

This is one of my favorite websites to check out, and where you can find your US Congressmen and women www.whitehouse.gov.  Also, for fun crazy articles check out the The Drudge Report, www.drudgereport.com.  

AND, if you are interested in where BIN LADEN is hiding out, check out the article link at my "articles you must read."

Carpe Diem!

HELLO 2009!

So you think you had a bad year?  I have read and heard a resounding echo of 'good riddance' to 2008.  Blogs, twitter, articles, op-eds . . . it's every where, we all agree, something (or everything) went awry in 2008.  

When I and the people around me are collectively having a bad day, week, (or year), I usually equate it with a false alignment of the planets creating a pull on everyone's psyche.  For instance, Mars forgot to move for a couple of minutes.  2008 was riddled with misalignment in the universe and caused people to do wacky things.  We overextended ourselves, got greedy, consumed too much, and let it all hang out while still in the midst of a war.  The year was a roller coaster that started several years ago.  Maybe some of our gravity was lost from time to time, causing the roller coaster to speed out of control.  If it were not on tracks and we were not belted in, we would have been propelled into space disintegrating instantly.  Hopefully everyone kept their seat belt on.

But enough is enough.  Now it is time to slow the roller coaster down and peel ourselves from the seats.   I know, I know . . . you lost $20,000 in stocks; your pension has been depleted; your neighbor got a mortgage handout; you are worried about your employment, etc.  These things are not monsters, it's called "change."  And when we are riding at the highest point of the roller coaster, we don't want change.  We are resistant to change.

I can't say that 2008 was bad at all.  No, I did not win the lottery, get a raise, buy a new car, or even pay off all my debt.   I accepted change.  For me (a Virgo), that is extremely hard.  There are many people in my life that will have conflicting opinions on how I handle change, and I'm sure some of them are not flattering.  But now that we are in the throws of change, let's not forget what got us here.  None of the offensive actions of 2008 would have happened if it were not for a collective ignorance of what is going on around us.  But now that we are here, in 2009, it's time to make wiser decisions.

As sure as the days are really short right now, you have probably created (on paper or in your mind) your new year's resolutions.  Consider the following for 2009:

1.  Things will always change.  It may not be for the better at the moment, but you can "change" that.

2.  Consider living by your own commandments (make them short and simple)

3.  Loose the "crap" in your life.  (whatever that may be.  Things, bad jobs, mean people, etc.)

4.  Do something good with the rest of the "crap" in your life.  (sell something, volunteer, fix it up and reuse it.)

5.  And if you almost got propelled into space by the roller coaster, ride a smaller one!

Ending with a lot of upbeat quips like "git 'r done!", Nike's "Just do It" or "The World is a wonderful place" would just want to make everyone puke.  What I will be happy to provide instead is a swift kick in the ass.  So if you are in need, feel free to respond, e-mail, or call.